Monday, February 28, 2011

Quick update- all is well

We passed the nonstress today and they did a follow up biophysical profile ultrasound just in case (watching for movement, fluid levels, breathing.)  He did have one small variable dip on the non stress test but he was active enough and the drop was small enough that they aren't worried about it since it was just once and it may have been from him changing position against the cord/etc. He still isn't a big fan of breathing (he did it a few times but not for the 30 seconds again.) But everythine else was good and movement was really good. So officially he passed the nonstress test because they had enough accelerations that went up enough that they were happy with them, and then he had 8/10 on the biophysical profile because of that pesky 30 seconds of breathing stuff. They are going to follow up again with both tests on Friday. Hopefully, we'll get a break from the drama for a few weeks.

28 weeks! I'll update with a belly pics later, I think my belly exploded again.

Friday, February 25, 2011

Sort of answers.

 (If you missed the last post, you kind of need to read that first to understand what I'm talking about. )

One of my mom's good friends used to be our next door neighbor until they moved away around the time I was in high school. She was an L&D nurse for a long time and one of the places she worked was the other major "high risk"/level III NICU hospital. (The kind of place where they had women helicoptered in from other hospitals when things got ugly.)

I had my mom call her to get a little more insight, realizing that she's not a doctor but that she's probably seen her fair share of high risk pregnant women, and she ended up calling me. She confirmed the breathing thing really isn't a big deal, a lot of babies don't really start practicing breathing until after 28ish weeks. But the drops/decels/variables are not good. It's better that they dropped and came right back up (so on the paper of lines keeping track of his heart rate, it looked like a squished together v, not a u or half circle where the dip lasts awhile). But, they shouldn't be happening, it doesn't have anything to do with them starting monitoring so early, it's not something that they like to see at all at any gestation. (And I think now what the nurse who did the NST was basically saying was that it's better when they are fullterm because they just induce or are already in labor and watch it closely. Since it's early and we have a long way to go before we're at fullterm, it raises new issues.) Also, I wasn't totally aware of this but the dips are actually a sign/indication of a drop in his oxygen levels. (That's why they don't like seeing them.)

It could be a cord issue, it could be something to do with the notching they saw earlier, or it could be something else or it could just be a fluke and a "watch me even closer" warning sign. (It does not seem to be pre-eclampsia or anything pre-eclampsia/HELLP like, I have no pain or swelling or anything and my blood pressure is pretty good. Even now. And my blood sugars have been normal all day too.) 

So, if things aren't better on Monday, there's a good chance that they'll send me to the hospital, I guess for more continuous monitoring + trying to figure out what is causing this + possibly steroid shots to help mature his lungs. And if they can't figure out why it's happening or stop it and it stays status quo, we'll either have lots and lots of monitoring (like daily if not keeping me there), or deliver soon. I'm leaning towards "deliver soon" rather than wait to see what goes wrong next and he ends up *really* in distress. Maybe it will be normal Monday and we can hold off for awhile longer...but I'm really not liking this dips in oxygen thing at all, even if it is normal on Monday, I'm kind of feeling "lucky" that they saw it today, because my high risk doctor didn't think monitoring this early was actually necessary since everything looks good with me (besides my zillions of risk factors) and the baby seemed good between the growth ultrasounds and quick checks with the doppler. She decided to start it early mainly for my peace of mind. So that kind of backfired but I'm actually a little more relaxed now that I know they are watching us even more closely. I'd rather know about it and be stressed out and overly vigilant than be oblivious and things go horribly wrong later. If I hadn't had monitoring today and he's normal Monday, we wouldn't have even known there could be another issue. Luckily, he's been a busy boy for the rest of today so far so I'm feeling relatively okay in the scheme of things for right now. I hope this weekend goes by quickly though. And I haven't used our fetal doppler in forever, not since I started feeling movement every day, but I think we'll dust it off and will be using it quite a bit this weekend unless he stays pretty active constantly.

So, I guess I'll make sure I have my hospital bag packed and in the car for just in case. And I really hope this weekend goes by quickly and uneventfully. (I know I've already said that but I think it bears repeating.)

Monitoring= big fat fail

Today was our growth ultrasound and our first monitoring appointment. The good news is that he's measuring good and looking mostly good, in between a week and 2 weeks ahead, estimated weight 3 lb 3 oz (+/- 7 oz) which is very good since we're just 27+4 wks. I had hoped that he would be at 3 lbs and I know that ultrasound weight estimates aren't very accurate the farther along and bigger the babies get, but just "guessing" that he's at 3 lbs makes me pretty happy. I know lungs and other stuff still need time in utero to get a bit better, but I'm feeling pretty good now that if we had to deliver soon, he's in pretty good shape for a 27.5 weeker. (I guess thank you gestational diabetes.)

I can't believe how much his little legs filled out. They even look like little baby thighs even on the ultrasound. He had his feet over his head the whole time and is head down on his side with his feet by his head too. (So we're expecting quite a contortionist.)

The bad news is that they had me start doing monitoring today too, and he totally failed the non-stress test (NST) because of "variables" she called them where it (his heartrate?) dropped sharply and then went back up. That happened about 4 times in the 20ish minutes of monitoring, which she said they really don't like to see this early at all. She (the RN) said that it sometimes happens with full-term women and they usually are just delivering are about to deliver so not a big deal. This early, I don't know. She was a little vague about it and just reiterated that they don't like to see it especially this early. It can indicate compression of the cord, etc. And then they kept saying that they don't usually start monitoring until 32 weeks or so, so I don't know how much that might account for it or not. (Maybe this happens with a lot of 27 weekers but they don't see it because they aren't monitoring many 27 weekers? Or maybe it's just bad?) Again, not having a doctor around kind of backfired, there was a doctor they kept consulting at the real perinatal center (which is a half hour away from us with about a 45 minute waiting time, we go to this place instead because it's 5 minutes away and there's almost never a wait and there's still a doctor keeping an eye on everything at both sites, but if we had been in the first site, he would have came in and talked to us, instead we're kind of playing telephone between the RN and u/s tech and they are super nice and answer what they can but they aren't doctors.) I suppose I could have asked to talk to the doctor about it but he's not my doctor anyway, and whatever.

That earned us a full biophysical profile (BPP) where they watch movements, muscle tone, fluid level, and have to practice breathing, etc. He failed that because he's decided that practicing breathing for 30 seconds is lame. (They give you points for everything, it's either 0 points or 2 points. So we got 0 points for breathing and 0 points for the NST. 8/10 is passing, we were at 6/10.) But they said practicing breathing for 27 weekers is iffy- he did actually practice a few times but not for the required 30 seconds. So we failed monitoring on both counts, but I think everything else on the BPP was okay. For now they are having me go back Monday and I have an OB appointment too. Then monitoring again Friday (at least as far as I know, who knows what will happen depending on how it goes Monday.) I'm not too worried about the breathing but really not sure how worried to be about the decels, they kept saying they don't usually do monitoring this early as if that might explain it but it doesn't seem like it's normal at all to me. His movements were fine, I've felt him moving in the time since we left, his heart rate was okay except for the decels, fluid was good, his growth is don't know what to think of all this. I'm strangely kind of reassured because we're being watched so closely, I'm just not sure if I'm being naive and I should be packing for the hospital, or what to think right now. I think if he keeps failing, I probably am going to at least end up in the hospital with constant monitoring until they can figure out what's going on and we may be meeting him sooner than later. I really don't like this not knowing. First the unexplained dizziness which I know might just be normal, but now this, I can't help but feel like there is something going on that's not quite right that they haven't quite figured out yet and my body and the baby are trying to compensate for whatever *it* is the best they can, but eventually something is going to give. The point of the monitoring was supposed to be to ensure that the baby is okay, but he failed both tests, so now what? I understand why they didn't send me straight to the hospital, it wasn't *that* bad, my blood pressure was good, he looked good otherwise, (he's kicking me as I type this). But, I don't know. I've done some googling and came up with some crappy stuff regarding cord issues (really, there may be a cord issue too on top of everything else?) and stillbirths. Right now I can only assume that if things remain as they were today, we'll either be delivering soon (I'll take the 90% ish odds of a 28 weeker vs. the 0% odds of a baby born still, any day) or at least earn ourselves a hospital stay while they try to figure out whatever is going on and keep a closer eye on him.

In the mean time, I'm semi-reassured that he's been moving a lot this afternoon and my blood pressure and everything else is decent. (It's up slightly this afternoon but I think after this morning, that's pretty much to be expected.) Hopefully he'll be a busy boy all weekend and decide that breathing is cool and the drama is not cool on Monday. (Although I guess I'll always be wondering about this until he is safely out.)

Monday, February 21, 2011

Olivia's quilt square + 27 weeks

Volunteers from the Pre-Eclampsia Foundation are putting together a quilt for 2011...
"The Promise Walk Team is pleased to announce that the memory quilt is back! In 2007 and 2008 foundation members came together to create memory quilts to benefit the Preeclampsia Foundation. Foundation members were asked to design and create a quilt square to honor a loved one lost to preeclampsia or to honor a survivor. The past quilts have been auctioned off at the yearly Saving Grace – A Night of Hope 2007-08 events and were a huge success. The quilts not only raised awareness and research funds, but provided an emotional outlet for family members to spotlight their loved ones. The Promise Walk wants to give those who wish to participate a chance to remember and honor their sons, daughters, mothers, aunts, and sisters. The new quilt will be displayed at walks around the country during the 2011 walk season." - Rosemary, the person coordinating the quilt, explains it better than I could.

I'm not particularly crafty and especially suck at sewing or anything like that. So I wasn't really planning to participate until I remembered iron on stuff and fabric paint and decided we'd figure out something. We were a bit rushed with it because I'm supposed to have our square back by March 1 and I didn't request it until about a week ago. So anyway, my handwriting isn't that great and so we stuck with iron ons. And in fact, I brought everything to my mom and watched her put it together because I've never actually done anything iron on. Unfortunately, when we were putting our last name on the square, some of the letters moved around and we didn't notice until it's too late. I think we probably did a bit overkill with the butterflies, but, oh well.
So the square didn't turn out the way we would have liked...but I guess nothing with Olivia worked out the way we would have liked, so I guess it's fitting.

In other news, today makes 27 weeks! We found a dresser yesterday for relatively cheap at Big Lots. I'm not sure that the color of wood will match exactly but they are both cherry and I don't really care that they match exactly, I'm glad to be done with the dresser search. I have started panicking a little bit, not about getting sick or babies dying (although those thoughts are always in the back of my mind), but about the fact that we'll probably have a baby here in a couple of months. There is so much to do and buy still. I can't let myself think about it for too long or I start getting overwhelmed and panicky which isn't really great for my blood pressure.

The gestational diabetes diet is CRAP. Or maybe the nutritionist is a sadist. All I know is I'm not really following the diet and luckily my blood sugars have been good after every meal anyway. (Even after Outback Steakhouse.) In fact, this is almost sort of backfiring because my blood sugar "goal" is 140 and under, 1 hour after a meal. After dinner at Outback, my blood sugar was in the low 100's, and so I thought "damn, I should have had a few extra pieces of bread." There have been days when I closely followed the diet (today I was pretty good), but I've noticed that my dizziness is actually worse when I follow it as opposed to eating normally. Tonight I was so dizzy that I didn't want to get up off the couch because I was afraid I'd fall over myself. I don't really think the dizziness is related to my blood sugar at all, though, because I've tested my blood sugar when I get dizzy and it's always right smack in the middle of normal. It makes me a little worried that maybe the dizziness is an ominous warning sign of trouble to come that hasn't shown other signs yet...I know it's not a typical symptom of pre-eclampsia or anything and that a lot of people with normal pregnancies have dizziness...but I didn't get sick the normal way last time and so it's always kind of in the back of my mind. I'm not sure if my high risk doctor is going to free me from the gestational diabetes prison on Wednesday or not. (Taking your blood sugar 4 times a day and thinking about food 6 times a day is really a pain, I want to go back to just worrying about my lovenox injections and blood pressure 3x a day.) After every meal, my blood sugars have been normal, but twice my morning fasting numbers have been a little higher than the "goal". She said if things look normal we'll back off testing, so I'm not sure if those two bad readings are going to screw everything up or not. I don't think there's anything I can really do diet-wise about fasting numbers especially since my numbers are good after meals, so, I don't know how it's going to work out.

Aside from the dizzy and annoying possible gestational diabetes junk, I'm feeling good. Blood pressure has been really good. And Luke is moving a lot. It definitely feels like his movements are stronger so I think we'll be in good shape at our ultrasound on Friday. Now if I could just drop this gestational diabetes stuff and get a lot done around the house, we'd be in really really good shape.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

26 wks + vent + belly

I'll start with my vent to get it out of my system.

I love my OB and really like her nurse practitioner (NP) too. The nurse practitioner is very nice and thorough and competent and compassionate, etc. etc. But my OB has told me she wants me to just see her, and if/when the front desk tries to schedule me with the NP instead, to remind them that I'm high risk and should just see her.  So today, I was under the impression that my appointment was with the OB (the receptionist had even written down my OB's name and date and time on the card, as if I was really seeing my OB, when you are seeing the NP, they usually write down the NP's name) it turns out my OB is never even in this office on Tuesdays. So I was a little bit annoyed that I had been misled. When the nurse mentioned that the NP would be in, in a minute, I said, "Oh. I thought I was just supposed to see my OB since I'm high risk." Nurse looked and agreed that I shouldn't have been scheduled with the NP but said my OB isn't even in the office on Tuesday's, I said it was fine, I like the NP and everything, it was just a surprise to me.

So my appointment was good and I do like the NP. She didn't check for swelling (which my OB would have done), but everything was fine. She agrees that my blood pressure is creeping up (now more consistently near low 120's/low 80's, a month ago it was usually 110-119/ 70's.) But it's not a huge jump, and it's not technically high, and I still have quite a few readings that are still in the previously normal range and sometimes lower, it's just that I'm getting more 120's/80's reasons more consistently then I have in the past. She thinks it may be just due to increased blood flow, baby getting bigger, etc. then pre-eclampsia or pregnancy induced hypertension (PIH) creeping it's way in. My weight gain is "fantastic", no unusual symptoms, everything looks good. But because of how quickly and how severely I got sick last time, we agreed I'm going to start seeing OB every 2 weeks, to go along with seeing my high risk ob (also known as MFM-maternal fetal medicine specialist which is a fancier way of saying high risk ob) every 2 weeks, so I'll be seeing one of them every week. So next week I see my MFM, the next week I see OB, then back to MFM, etc. (Right now I'm 3 weeks farther than I made it with Olivia, but I got sick really fast and it was severe, so I really do want someone keeping an eye on things every week even with things seemingly well. In fact, if they wanted to hospitalize me now just for fun and monitor me 24/7, I'd be okay with that, though I'd really miss my dogs.)

So NP tells the receptionist, "schedule her in 2 weeks with OB." I guess receptionist missed her saying that because she tries to schedule me in 4 weeks with NP again. I tell her that no, she wants me back in 2 weeks and it should be with the OB because I'm high risk. Supposedly OB has no appointments open that week. She schedules the next 3 appointments and 2 of the 3 are with NP. I really don't like that they are tossing me back and forth between the NP and OB. When I got sick with Olivia, we all totally missed how swollen I had gotten in the weeks leading up to disaster. I had seen my ob the week before and she even missed it. (In hindsight there are some pictures of me from that time frame and it's very obvious.) So the inconsistency is really bugging me and I'm pretty skeptical that my OB is completely booked up. (My guess is this would be the same receptionist who scheduled me to see NP for my 2 week and 6 week postpartum check ups, even knowing our baby had died because I asked them to try to schedule me when there wouldn't be a lot of pregnant people there. My OB called me personally to see how we were doing and asked when my appointment was to see her and when I mentioned it was with NP, 2 minutes later she had it fixed so I was seeing her instead.) I don't like using the term "Nazi" lightly but this particular receptionist is seriously a scheduling Nazi. (There are 2 other receptionists and with the other 2, I've never had a problem getting scheduled with the OB. ) So I can't remember which appointments are actually with my OB, I think in 2 weeks I'm supposed to see NP, but it's at least a day that OB is in the office so I'll address it then I guess and I won't be that surprised if it's my OB who sees me. I'm glad I'm at least seeing my MFM every 2 weeks and it's her every time so at least there is *some* consistency. I think my OB is a little more cautious than my MFM at this point because she was there last time and MFM wasn't. But, whatever, I'm not going to stress about it, it's just a little frustrating.

Anyway, now that is out of my system, yesterday was 26 weeks! No obvious swelling, weight gain is fantastic, no alarming pains or headaches, I still get dizzy (thinking my MFM was right and it really might be caused by GD since I'm not anemic, or it might just be normal for me pregnancy I guess), Lucas is moving more steadily. A week or so ago, he moved a lot in the morning and a lot at night, but not so much throughout the day. Now he never really moves *a lot* but it's steady, a few kicks or obvious movements an hour, most hours. No one is concerned about this ("At this point, as long as you feel him once a day it's fine." Um, not for me!)  so I'll try not to be. She did say I should start kick counts at 28 weeks. Upcoming: gestational diabetes class on Thursday, high risk appointment next Wednesday, growth ultrasound next Friday, OB appointment (maybe with NP?) the following Monday when I'll be 28 weeks.

We can get a 3D ultrasound done at my OB's office for cheaper than we can at the elective non-medical place. I'm debating if I want to or not. I'm completely undecided about it, but slightly leaning towards yes because I like ultrasounds. (And the pessimistic side of me thinks that if something goes horribly wrong again, I want as many pictures as we can get. But the cheap/frugal side of me thinks that we could spend that money on professional pictures when he's actually out of the womb.And then the pessimistic side says, but if it goes horribly wrong...saving the money for professional pictures isn't going to matter much...and it's not like we don't have the money for both, it's not really either/or.)  I'm leaning towards yes, let's do it. Joe is ambivalent and has no problem with doing the extra ultrasound if I want to.

Also, she asked if we've picked out a pediatrician yet. I laughed. (And thought, "well, I figured the neonatal doctors will do for now" because we have at least 8+ weeks to go before we are out of NICU territory.) I'm not really looking forward to the pediatrician hunt especially because we (really- I- Joe just shrugs and says that's fine honey) want to delay vaccinations. I'll do some of them on the regular schedule and some of them later and some not at all (no chicken pox vax-it doesn't work for too many kids). The main thing is, I won't let them give my baby 10 different shots at once, or even 4 or 5 different shots at once. We'll do most of them eventually, but I want them spread out. I'm not really looking forward to finding a doctor who will mesh well with that because most of them are used to patients just doing what they say and not questioning anything, and I'm a pain like that. I've seen a few recommendations from the "crunchy"/"natural parenting" crowd online but most of the doctors I've seen recommended are either pretty far away, or family practice doctors and not specifically pediatricians. One of the family practice doctors I've seen that is apparently more laid back about the vax schedule is actually my general practice doctor and she's 5 minutes away, so I guess that would work for now if nothing else. I'd rather have a pediatrician but we'll see. My mom really likes my 14 year old brother's pediatrician so I'm hoping she'll ask him about the vaccination thing for me because it's not something I'm going to change my mind about and I'm not going to waste my time with a doctor who is adamantly inflexible about the schedule. So, blech. I'm not really looking forward to the doctor search.

I'm getting a little anxious about "the class" on Thursday. But I'll save that for a blog post tomorrow because I've rambled enough for today.

Belly shot yesterday, please disregard the spots on the mirror which look like they are on my shirt, and our husky Koda is supervising from the doorway:

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

7 days to stuff my face.

So I saw my high risk doctor today and it was mostly good news.

#1- She's not going to make me suffer through the 3 hour glucose test since it's pretty likely that I'll fail. (She looked over my 1 hour results and said, "yeah, you really bombed it."  She's going to consider me to have GD and I go to the "diet class" next Thursday. Fun times. (Hence the title, 7 days to stuff my face. As far as I'm concerned, since I haven't failed the 3 hour and they haven't officially told me the rules yet, I'm going to enjoy eating till next Thursday.) She said that if when we start the diet and testing my blood sugar levels, if things seem to be normal and very easily controlled, we can always ease up on it. Sounds good to me. Right now I'm bracing myself for about 10 weeks of diet though.

#2- The best news of all, as far as I'm concerned, is that she agreed to let me cut my lovenox dose in half. Since I was 7 weeks pregnant, I've been injecting myself in the belly with blood thinner injections (aka lovenox), twice a day, at 10:30 am and 10:30 pm. I like it because I think it *has* helped, but that crap BURNS. Some people say it gets better but for me, it never really did, probably because most people are only on one dose a day and I was on two. My belly is out of places that aren't bruised. I've hit blood vessels so many times it doesn't even phase me anymore. And sometimes the places where I inject turn into a little knot that is achy all the time whenever I accidentally touch it or brush my hand against that spot. So, cutting back to just one a day makes me really happy. She was actually considering taking me off of lovenox completely now with everything so well, I halted that when I said, "No! I want to stay on it! Just not as much!" (Um, if it's helping, I don't want to stop it now and watch everything go to hell in another week or two.) Most of the people I "know", including people with real blood clotting disorders are only on 1 shot a day, 30 or 40 mg, (I don't even have a clotting disorder, I'm on lovenox mainly because they don't know why things got so bad the first time and to hopefully prevent growth restriction, so far so good on that account). So now instead of being on 60 mg a day-2 shots- I'll be on just 30 mg a day, 1 shot. At 32 weeks, I'll go off of it completely because once I make it that far they expect that I might deliver at any time and they really don't want my blood extra thin for a c-section. So hooray, only having one shot a day is a pretty big deal to me.

#3- I've only gained 9 pounds this pregnancy (as of today 25+2) and of the 9 pounds, only 1 pound in the last 2 weeks. My weight has been weird this time. I didn't really start gaining until 20 weeks and my gains have happened in big spurts that freak my high risk doctor out. Like 4 pounds since my previous visit and at my visit 2 weeks ago I had gained 4 pounds in 2 weeks. My diet really isn't changing much from week to week and neither is my activity level so I don't really have an explanation for it except it does seem like my belly goes through big spurts, some weeks where I don't think I've gotten bigger at all and some weeks when it was like, "whoa, when did this happen?" . But I'll take 9 pounds gain, for sure, especially when about 2 pounds of it is baby.

#4- She gave me the option to start seeing her every week. And guess what? I'm feeling so good about things that I actually said "eh, no thanks for now." (I see my OB next week so I really don't feel like I need to see the MFM too, since if something comes up I'd call them anyway.) So week 26 will be OB and diet class, week 27 will be high risk ob and ultrasound at the end of the week, week 28 I'm hoping to start seeing my ob every 2 weeks but if not I might ask to see high risk ob or I might just enjoy a doctor-free week, we'll see how I'm feeling then.

#5- No signs of swelling, my blood pressure was up a little but I was kind of stressed today (I thought I had lost the little photo album I've been keeping ALL of my ultrasound pictures in, so I was scrambling to re-trace my steps and trying to figure out where it might have fallen out of my purse), but my blood pressure has been normal tonight and every other day and time except this morning and afternoon, no headaches, no heartburn, no suspicious pain, and baby is moving okay.

#6- I'm not anemic. Guess that wasn't causing my dizziness. My platelet levels were great. (Since they haven't been tested since week 10 and blood thinners can sometimes lower them, that's good to know.) They did bloodwork to test my liver function today just as a precaution- I actually asked for it since I've had a twinge or two here and there. I'm 99.9% sure the twinges are just from the baby shifting around and moving and organs and ribs having to readjust...but still...they are usually on the right side. I know they are nothing like the "upper right quadrant" pain that I had with Olivia when I was sick (they usually don't even last a full minute, that pain lasted for hours and hours), but still, I'd rather have them double checked. I *could have* asked for a 24 hour urine test to make sure I'm really not spilling any protein, and she would have smiled and ordered it for me, but peeing in a jug for 24 hours is not my idea of a good time and I never spilled protein with Olivia so I don't really trust that it would mean anything anyway. My problems with Olivia were all in my liver enzymes and blood platelets, so I'm more concerned with watching those.

She asked if I've started believing we are going to have a baby, yet. And I shrugged and said sometimes and sometimes not, but told her how we have a crib, and she was happy about that. She's convinced that this baby won't die, she said she can't guarantee that we'll take him home with no NICU time, but we "won't have another death". In theory, I know that the odds are becoming overwhelmingly favorable that she's right. (Some calculators give survival odds of male, 2 pounder (907 grams), 25 weeker, with steroid shots as 90% But I also know that unfortunately, babies die all the time, at all gestational ages for a lot of different reasons (and unknown reasons). I'm not sure it's even possible for me to 100% believe in this until we're strapping the baby in his car seat and driving away from the hospital.

It is good to be 25 weeks with no glaringly huge problems. The dizziness has pretty much gone away and his movement has returned to normal, I guess yesterday was a lazy day for him or a growth spurt day or who knows. This morning I did a kick count and he moved 10 times in 10 minutes and then several times during the day. My high risk ob really is not concerned about keeping track of movement yet, but I'm neurotic like that and it actually reassures me. So today was better pretty much all the way around.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

25 weeks and new drama.

Yesterday was 25 weeks. I feel myself relaxing a little bit more each week, at least some of the time.

For some reason, probably just in my head, it seemed like Lucas was moving a little less than usual last night. But I did a kick count and had 10 movements in about 30 minutes, still not exactly reassured by it because it still seemed like less to me. And then this morning when he's usually crazy active too, there were a few movements here and there but they weren't as strong or as frequent as I'm used to. I can't even remember the last time I used our fetal doppler, it's been weeks and weeks, but I got it out this morning, his heartbeat was his normal 140's, still, not really reassured. He's been kicking every once in awhile this afternoon, though, which is usually his most quiet time, so...I don't know. If I wasn't seeing my high risk doctor tomorrow already, I'd probably call them. It's so hard to know what's me being paranoid and what's trusting my instincts. Right now, I'm just a little freaked out about everything.

I found out yesterday that I failed the 1 hour gestational diabetes test, which really didn't surprise me because I felt awful the entire day afterward and was so dizzy that afternoon-evening I really didn't like walking. So now my ob's nurse wants me to do the 3 hour, but I don't think I can and am pretty pessimistic that I'll even pass it. (I say I don't think I can because I got sick after the 1 hour and I'm doubtful I can keep down double the drink for 3 hours. And I don't really want to take it and feel like crap all day long only to find out I failed that too.) I'm going to mention it to my high risk doctor and see how she wants to proceed. If I have to try the 3 hour than I guess I will (apparently insurances can be crappy about covering things for it without the 3 hour being done first.) But with my history of severe early onset pre-eclampsia and PCOS and also the unexplained dizziness, I think the odds aren't really in my favor. I'm crabby and frustrated just thinking about a diet or MORE shots- I'm eating relatively well already (but I do like carbs and I'm not going to give them up easily). And also, if I do have it, of course that brings my risk of getting pre-eclampsia up even higher. (And it's already high because of my history and then the notching in blood flow.) It's just weighing on me.

On the bright side, my c-section is officially scheduled, 9:45 am on April 27th, pending the results of an amnio indicating mature lungs the day before, I'll be 36 weeks and 2 days. I'm going to pretty much insistent on getting steroid shots by 34 weeks so his lungs should be good. (Knowing my luck, I'll go through the amnio and find out we have to wait another week.) If lungs aren't mature, we'll deliver at 37 weeks exactly (May 2nd), no amnio redo, because by then the risk of me going into labor is too high to risk waiting longer (if I go into labor, I'm at higher risk for my uterus rupturing because of the type of c-section they had to do with Olivia. So after 34 weeks if I start having real contractions, they'll probably just deliver then without an amnio.) Any drama before 36 weeks or at 36 weeks (blood pressure, pre-eclampsia, labs acting up, contractions, fetal indicators like blood flow or growth), and they'll deliver sooner without an amnio. So April 27th is actually pretty iffy, but we'll see. I have no interest in prolonging this pregnancy a minute longer than necessary just to see how bad things will get or if they'll get bad.  It was a little weird because they actually started giving me instructions for the c-section (don't eat after midnight, be there by 7:30) as if it was a week away and not 80ish days from now which as far as I'm concerned is *forever*. (This was still my ob's nurse, not the hospital.)

Last night we finished the Valentine's day project for all the newly bereaved parents. We got them all finished but my friend and I both noticed that Maggie had a rather large stack of new people that had had losses in the last couple of weeks, since we met last, not even 2 full weeks ago. Blech. And then, we were using post it's because we were putting in pink "presents" for parents that lost a girl and blue for boys and yellow for if she couldn't remember and couldn't tell by name for (white) presents...when we were all done stuffing the envelopes, I sorted the post its into piles by color so she could reuse them later since they didn't have writing or anything on them....the stack of blue post-its was so much more than the pink pile. That might be the reason I'm a lot more freaked out today. Yesterday was just not a great day for me. I ended up strolling around the garage for about 20+ minutes in the freezing cold trying to find my car. I thought I had parked on the ground floor because for some reason when I walked in the nearest door, it was on the ground floor. So I walked the entire ground floor of the parking garage several times with no sign of my car and was starting to think it got towed or stolen- and my car isn't anything worth stealing so that seemed nuts. I went back in to the hospital and sat and warmed up and decided to try again and started on the first floor, I had parked on the first floor after all (but I really did walk in on the ground floor before, I had to go up a flight of stairs, I'm not sure how I managed to end up parking on the first floor but walking in on the ground floor.) Anyway, I hate that stupid hospital, it's such a maze. Yesterday was just not my day. Hopefully the rest of this week will get a bit better.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Guess what I did?

So, in a moment of total bravery or maybe insanity or optimism or whatever you want to call it, today I went to Babies R Us with my mom for the bazillionth time.

Babies R Us is having a "trade in" sales event so you bring in an old carseat/stroller/playpen/high chair/etc. and they give you a coupon for 25% off any of those items new. I had initially thought that this meant you bring in a carseat, you get 25% off a new carseat, etc. which is still not a bad deal. (I contemplated maybe trying to find a piece of crap crib somewhere to trade in even though I have a 20% off coupon, Joe said no way is he hauling a crappy crib in there just for an extra 5% off.) Someone on Freecycle gave me their old carseat to trade in, and so I was able to bring that in and they gave me a coupon for 25% off anything in those categories, it didn't have to be a carseat.

So, I went and ordered the crib with it. (And now I still have a 20% off coupon I can use for the carseat.)

My mom was with me when I ordered Olivia's crib, too. (After a ridiculous number of trips to Babies R Us and everywhere else that sells cribs, not to mention hours of reading review books and reviews online.) I think I was right about 18 or 19 weeks when I ordered her crib last time. It was brand new and when I put the order in they said it would be about 2-3 weeks, which was fine. And then the week before everything went to hell, they called me at school- well on my cell phone and I remember sitting at my desk calling them back on my plan period or after school- and told me it would be 2 or 3 more weeks because the warehouse was out of them too, blah blah blah. I told them that was fine and was relieved we didn't have to deal with it yet because by that point every week was more bad news. And then the next week we lost Olivia, and I think the day I was released from the hospital I called and had them cancel it. (I did NOT want to risk a phone call telling me it was in so it was one of the first places I called.)

So anyway, this time we decided to get the same crib. It's now been out awhile and has almost all good reviews online. And I like the idea of Lucas having the same crib that Olivia would have had. I expected it to take somewhere between 2-6 for it to come in because that's what happened the first time, but to my surprise (and a little bit to my dismay), he said,  "I think we have one in the back". I crossed my fingers that they *didn't* have one in the back because I'd feel a lot better about getting it in 2-6 weeks. No such luck. There really was one in the back. They are letting us do a "delayed pick up" in the next few days.

I've decided that instead of freaking out about having the baby crib already, I'm mostly trying to take it as a good sign. Like Olivia's crib wasn't in stock and never came home with us just like she never came home with us, and Lucas's crib is there and ready to go, like he will be when he comes at the end of April (86 days or so). Otherwise, it's going to freak me out. It will be SEVERAL more weeks before we actually take the crib out of the box and Joe puts it together. Partially because the baby room has a twin bed and some stuff that needs to go in the office, and the office is a crowded mess of random stuff and so that's going to take some time. And partially because I'm not quite ready to see a baby crib up and ready to go in our house yet. I think that would be a good way to celebrate the "I'm 28 weeks" milestone.

I was planning to start my registry today but after the crib ordering did not go the way I expected, I was a little overwhelmed already, and Babies R Us is just overwhelming in general. Plus, there were like 8 people at the registry counter and only one person working. So I'll maybe start that sometime next week.

Here's the crib we ordered, (I like it especially because it's low to the ground and I'm short), we've decided not to get the dresser that comes with it, so next week we'll probably start looking for a dresser too. (I want something low enough that we can plop a changing pad on and use as a changing table, all of the ones at the baby store only have 3 dressers and a cabinet, I don't want/need a cabinet, I'd rather have extra drawers.)

Anyway, today is 24+3 and everything is still well. I'm going to hopefully venture out tomorrow for my gestational diabetes test. I just hope the lovely orange drink doesn't make me throw up.