You can't really read it in this pic but his outfit says "thank heaven for little boys".
Even though Lucas is a week old already, we are still pretty much obsessed with him. We are probably creating a monster because the only time we set him down is to change his diaper or clothes. Otherwise, either Joe is holding him or I'm holding him or someone else is holding him. (And we set him down at night.I have slept with him on my chest a few nights but I'm trying to stick with keeping him in his bassinet.) I know this is probably going to bite us (me!) in the butt later, but right now, I don't really care. After losing Olivia, months of fertility treatments, then 300+ lovenox shots, a million doctor appointments, and months and months of expecting everything to go wrong at any moment, I refuse to feel bad about holding my baby as much as I can. He won't be this little for long. And while I'm more relaxed then I can remember being in a very long time, we know all too well that there are no guarantees. So anyway, between holding the baby, feeding the baby, pumping after almost every feeding, and changing him, we're pretty sleep deprived and exhausted and blissfully happy and overwhelmingly sad at times too. Our grief is different now. On one hand, we are so blessed and grateful and even a little bit healed in ways I can't really explain.
But. We see so much Olivia in him and not having her here and living all the things we missed out on with her (even just leaving the hospital this time holding a baby) is really hard. Our hearts are full of love and happiness for our new little guy, but in some ways this makes the hole and everything we are missing hurt as much as ever.
9 comments:
Great pictures!
He is absolutely beautiful!
I don't think that you can spoil a baby in the first few weeks, even months of life. Hold him as much as you can. They grow up too fast!
So happy for you both
I think its up until like 6 months when they start recognizing being spoiled. So spoil away, Momma! :)
I love the pictures and am so excited for you!
He is so beautiful, those pictures are absolutely precious! I can completely see why you don't want to put him down! So, so happy for you guys and in terms of the feelings you described they sound perfectly normal for your situation. Hoping you continue to enjoy the blissful joy of this precious new life!
He is so beautiful. I'm sure the conflicting feelings are complicated, but I hope as the days go on your boy continues to bring you love and light and you're able to remember Olivia with a gentler tug on your heart rather than a painful ache. I think your previous sadness would have to enrich your current happiness in many ways, but it makes sense that the reverse would also be true--at least for a while. Thinking of you!
Wow! He is so adorable!! The resemblance between him and Olivia is so sweet :)
Oh, Angie - he is truly beautiful. Truly, truly. I'm tearing up with happiness for you. I still hold my son as much as he'll let me - I think the more they know how much you love them the better!
I don't think you should even lay him down to change his diaper, try doing it with him on your knees. Seriously, I totally get this, I plan on sleeping with the baby, breathing with the baby, and generally being attached at the hip until baby goes off to get married or to university. If you think you are creating a monster, you ain't seen nothin yet.
By the way, he is so cute! love the basket pictures
Hold him, hold him, hold him... and don't feel it's wrong for a minute no matter what anyone says. The photos are beautiful, he is so sweet and looks very peaceful and happy to be where he is, in your arms, in the world.
I was very moved reading your words about Olivia, about joy and sadness being so close... and they make perfect sense... that the joy of each new moment with Luke also contains sadness about each moment Olivia and you were not given to share. I imagine it will become easier to carry both feelings in your heart at once, as you carry both your children in your heart always.
OMG, i have missed so much. and i'm sorry, i have been in such a slump the last few months. grief seriously had a hold on me. but i wanted to stop by and get caught up on you (thinking that you would be having little man soon), and i see these amazing pics!! he is so breathtakingly beautiful! and i'm so so beyond happy that he is here with you finally. thinking of you and your baby girl always...
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