Sweet 16

I remember finding out my mom was pregnant. I was almost 13ish, my sister was 11,my brother 10. She came home from a doctor's appointment or test and looked quite upset. She grabbed the phone and went in the bathroom, so we wouldn't hear, to call my aunt. I knew something was up, and the bathroom has 2 doors, one from the main hallway and the other connects in her bedroom, being the nosy kid I was, I sat in her bedroom and listened. I didn't overtly hear, but from what I did hear, I suspected. I think I was mostly in denial too.

When they told us a few days later, my sister and I were mad. We had been sharing a bedroom our whole lives and they had just started talking about building another room in the basement and now that wouldn't happen. I remember saying, you are trying to ruin our lives, aren't you? And Now I'm NEVER going to get my own room!

Our next door neighbor was about my mom's age and had a baby not long before my mom found out she was pregnant. My sister and I were in love with that baby and begged and pleaded with my mom to have another baby. He was so cute, blah blah blah.  My mom said NO, and as we kept begging, ended up telling us all of the reasons why it would be horrible for us if she had a baby. We stopped wanting a baby sibling after that. Little did we all know, we were going to get our wish anyway.

The winter Nick was born was a really snowy year. My mom had a lot of false labor and went in to the hospital two or three times only to be sent home. She managed to talk the doctor into inducing her finally. I remember being excited about the baby coming and also excited that they trusted us (me!) to be home alone (our neighbors and family knew and were probably checking on us). I remember talking to my dad on the phone shortly before Nick came and he said we didn't have to go to school the next day and that he would come and bring us to the hospital to meet the baby the next day. I was really excited to get the day off school, but then more stupid snow came and we had a snow day off anyway. Still, it was exciting.

It was a different dynamic, being a teenager and having a baby sibling. We were more than just siblings. We weren't really parents either but we did a lot of parenting stuff (diapers, putting him in the car seat, making bottles, etc.) just because of our ages and because we liked doing it. Nick slept in our room with my sister for almost a year as a toddler. She actually encouraged it and would go up and get him and ask if he wanted to sleep with her. We babysat him a lot. When I got home from school and didn't work or have practice, I would sometimes pick him up early from daycare. We would play this game where I made him give me directions to get home and would sometimes purposely "get lost" in our neighborhood which he thought was hilarious. He was carted around to all of our baseball/softball practices and games, but I think he mostly liked it and all of the attention he got and all of the different playgrounds. I hated it when we were out somewhere and my mom would walk off and leave me with him, not because he would be bad, but because people would give me dirty looks and assume he was my kid. Nick was just little when my mom tried to teach me to drive in a piece of crap '85 Corolla stick shift...in the high school parking lot. I never did get the hang of it, my mom isn't a great driver (lol-understatement), and I don't think could drive a stick shift herself barely...so that was a disaster. But I do remember poor Nick in the back seat as the car jerked around and my mom and I screamed at each other. He asked if we were going to die.

The hardest part about leaving for college, and shortly after that, moving overseas with Joe, was leaving Nick behind. He started kindergarten that year and would send me pictures with awkward kindergartener handwriting saying he loved me. I still have them. I hung them up on our walls in our den in the Azores to feel a little less homesick. When we moved back, he would come over and spend the night with us just for the heck of it, a lot, which we loved. Now when he comes over it's to help Joe do heavy stuff like mounting tvs on the walls and moving furniture.

Today this kid is 16. He plays football and has a girlfriend (always!) He is funny and a great uncle. It has been awesome (and sad) to watch him grow up. He was a great 'practice baby' before we had our own babies. Hopefully we didn't scar him too much!

Hello 2013

Life has been hectic.

Luke continues to bring home illness every week from MyGym. Last week was a particularly brutal cold that wiped everyone out and resulted in a visit to the doctor on Friday when both boys had bad colds. Turns out Luke had his first ever ear infection (and absolutely no signs of an ear infection, never pulled on his ear, no fever, etc., so I guess it's good I brought him in.) That visit was a particularly hellish experience. Luke managed to run out the door of the exam room while I was undressing Matthew to be weighed. He spent the entire time screaming, along with Matthew, and took 2 nurses to weigh him because he kept throwing his body off. Finally at the end he calmed down enough to eat animal crackers OFF THE FLOOR. It was awesome. Our new-old pediatrician has daughters the same age and he tells me that it gets better after the next four months. And pretty much said that yep, the first 6 months are hell. Good to know that we aren't even halfway through yet. Matthew's the only one still sick and I am really not liking how his cough sounds so we will probably be doing it all over again tomorrow although this time I'll be smart and keep Luke contained in the stroller with cookies or something.

I switched back to the pediatrician we had been using with Luke until Matthew was born. I just never got comfortable with the one we had switched to. She gave Matthew two different kinds of eye drops for "pink eye" that wasn't pink eye. It was a blocked tear duct. And then even when she finally figured out it was blocked tear ducts, she never gave us the suggestion to massage the inside corner of his eye with a warm wash cloth...which is what we were told to do with Luke. I finally did it on my own and his eyes have been a lot better. Then she said he had a yeast infection-diaper rash, but it wasn't and in fact it got a lot worse when I used the stuff. And last but not least, said he had reflux when I tried to tell her I thought his problem was really my oversupply/gas, when the reflux medicine she prescribed didn't help or work, she prescribed something new instead of reconsidering the problem. There were some other things I didn't like, too, but the biggest thing was I lost trust that she had any freaking clue what she was doing. Pink eye is fairly obvious! Anyway, I feel much better now that we are back to our first pediatrician. I was really stressed out about how awkward it would be to go back, with a 2 month old he's never seen, but both boys screaming at the top of their lungs the whole time helped.

I'm not sure if I mentioned that I passed the math test or not, I did! In fact, I placed in college level trig as my "starting math class". Yuck! It took two trips and a long trip walking across campus with Matthew in his carseat (OMG HEAVY...why the hell am I not using my fricking expensive new stroller? Because his car seat doesn't fit in it and it's freaking heavy too.) Anyway, I am FINALLY, officially on the waiting list for the sonography program. Yay. The bad news is that the wait is 2 years. And I'm not exactly sure what that 2 years even means...two years from now...like fall 2014? Hopefully not anything later than that. This put me in a bit of a funk for a few days because I really hoped to start this fall, but I think I'm just going to hang in there. I still need to email and find out for sure. And I need to consider if I'd rather do cardiac ultrasound instead, which might have a shorter waiting list, but it would mean no babies. I did a quick search and there were many more jobs online posted for cardiac ultrasound vs. medical, at least right now. I really want to do OB, but there is no guarantee I'll get to even if I go into "medical" sonography, and there is a good chance I could end up having to do a lot of everything (uh, like testicles, to be blunt).  So maybe switching to cardiac would be a better idea..? Sigh. I am still mulling over this. I briefly considered getting more information about a radiology tech program...like the people who do x-rays and stuff...but they make significantly less money than sonographers, don't have as strong of job outlook, and the program is like 6 semesters so I wouldn't really finish any sooner than I would even if I have to wait for ultrasound. And I'd rather do even cardiac sonography over x-rays, anyway. Complicated.

Besides being sick, the boys have been good. Matthew started smiling on Christmas eve and will now "coo" and talk a bit. Luke said his first sentence yesterday, when he tried to pull his chair out from under the coffee table and he was tilting it upright as he tried to pull it out so it wasn't budging. He looked up at me and said "Uh oh. It stuck." Today he threw me for a loop when he was sitting on thed diaper table and pointed at both of my breasts and said "boods". I was a little horrified, thinking he was saying boobs, then he repeated it again and touched where he was pointing and I realized he was pointing at the Cardinals, on my Cardinals tshirt, and saying BIRDS. Phew. Then today after he finished taking his antibiotic from the oral syringe, he lifted up his shirt and pressed it against his belly. I'm not really sure if he was just goofing around with that or what, but it struck me that he might have been imitating me giving myself lovenox shots in the stomach a long time ago. He was in the room when I did them once or twice but usually I did them after he was in bed, so it wasn't like a regular thing he witnessed. And I can hardly remember that (I stopped them at 26 weeks or something, so a long long time ago). Weird, but the kid is picking up a lot more than I tend to give him credit for. He is also climbing and getting into trouble nonstop and I cannot wait for it to be nice outside on a regular basis because he NEEDS to get out of the house for a bit every day.

Christmas was hectic. Matthew cried all night Christmas Eve (the fake reflux that was a combination of my oversupply and him wanting to nurse nonstop and not take a bottle, I think.) Luke was a hot mess all day Christmas day because of being sleep deprived. So they were both just crazy. He does like all his toys and it's been nice to have some new stuff to play with. It took 3 days for him to open everything (from us/"santa") because he would open something and want to play with it and have a huge fit if we tried to get him to open something else. I turned 29 and had a pretty nice birthday.

My baby brother is turning 16 and will probably be driving in 2 days. I can't believe it. I was holding Matthew tonight and saying it doesn't seem that long ago when Nick was that little. (And Luke!) And Matthew himself isn't even all that little anymore, he's up to 12 lbs 9 ounces as of last Friday, more than double his birth weight. It does go so so fast.

I think my quote for this year will be something I saw from another blogger:
"The days are long but the years are short."

 Because holy cow...the days do seem really really long right now, and I have never been so happy to see Joe home from work as I have the last couple of months. But I know a few months from now I will be looking back on this time in amazement. I can't believe Luke will be 2 in just a few months. Or that it's already time to do Matthew's 3 month pictures at the end of this month.

Updates

Matthew is 6 weeks old now. He is really starting to fill out, my guess is 11ish pounds by now (he was 9lbs 7 oz two weeks ago and had gained like 6 ounces in 3 days.) I am also guessing that by his 2 month check up, he will have already nearly doubled his birth weight. He likes eating, a lot.

We had the stomach flu last week. It started with Luke on our anniversary. He had the mildest case, it only lasted half the day so we weren't quite sure if it was a virus or something he ate or a fluke. Saturday morning, we discovered it must have been a virus as both Joe and I ended up sick. It was especially bad for me since Matthew wanted to nurse and nurse and nurse and nurse and I couldn't even keep down water. It was MISERABLE. I contemplated going to the ER for IV fluids, but I didn't want to leave the house. Miraculously we survived. And my milk supply seems to be doing okay too.

This week, both boys have colds. Since Thanksgiving, we've had colds, the stomach flu, and now colds again. Luke went 6 months before getting sick at all and even then it was only a cold. I wasn't planning on doing the flu shot thing this year but now I'm seriously reconsidering. Our pediatrician's office said "only immediate family" for the first 2 months around Matthew, but I'd go insane with that. That being said, I really need to figure out how to use my new Maya wrap and I'm going to try to keep our social interactions restricted, which sucks, but I'm tired Matthew being sick and don't want to risk him getting something worse when he's still so young. Most of the sickness is coming in through Luke, and I'm pretty sure Luke is picking it up from the kid's gym. He loves that fricking place even if he doesn't do most of the class activities (still no luck with circle time). You better believe I scrubbed both our hands down with sanitizer before we left Saturday. Anyway, the germ thing has me on edge.

I am really behind on everything Christmas. Our tree isn't up yet, although that's mostly intentional because I figure the less time we have it up, the less I have to tell Luke to leave the ornaments alone, etc. etc. We went over to my parents tonight for dinner and he did better than I expected with their tree (though he totally picked up a ball ornament and threw it and said "ball"). I think if he was at OUR house, with a tree 24/7, I am going to spend a lot of time telling him to leave the ornaments alone, watching him carry them all over while I'm nursing Matthew, etc. It just won't be good. So no tree yet. I haven't done much shopping yet either, except for ourselves. (We just got a new king size memory foam bed, and my new stroller came in the mail late last week.) My cards are supposed to arrive tomorrow so I hope to have them in the mail by the end of the week.

So I attempted to take the math test on Friday. I had to get a certain score to not have to take College Algebra. I did well on the "pre-algebra" questions and the "algebra" but bombed the "college algebra" part except when they say "college algebra", it was really more like trig/pre-calc. So, this messes up everything. I can retake the test, and I'm going to try but not very optimistic about it (I have been studying.) Worst case scenario is that I don't pass again and have to take college algebra online from January through May. I kinda have my plate full already and don't really want to add a freaking class, nor do I want to pay to take a class I've already earned an A in (ten years ago.) But, I think one class...that I've already taken...should be do-able, albeit ANNOYING. The worst part of it is that I wanted to get on the waiting list this winter for the class starting next fall. (They don't let you get on the waiting list until you are done with all of the prereqs and requirements. This is the ONLY thing I have left.) The acceptance letters for the fall 2013 class start going out in May, when I won't be done with this class yet if I have to take it, so most likely I wouldn't get in. And none of the area community colleges offer an accelerated version of it to do it in fewer weeks than a regular length semester. So, it's annoying. I don't really want to wait until fall 2014 to start the ultrasound program, especially after I rushed to get everything done but this. It's mostly out of my control though, I guess. STUPID FREAKING MATH.

Alright, Matthew is sleeping finally, I better sleep while I can.

Ten years

Ten years in pictures and "our songs". I put this together for Joe for our anniversary today.

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How it's going.

Trying to find time to post these days is hard. This will probably have to be fast, Luke is watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Matthew is in the Rock N Play "sleeping" but is kinda squawky about it so that may not last long.

Sleep is pretty crappy these days. Luke goes to bed right about the time Matthew wakes up to eat for a freaking hour. Then Matthew goes to sleep for a couple of hours while I try to run around and get important stuff done like laundry and dishes (forget about cleaning beyond that). Then Matthew is up and ready to eat again. If I'm lucky, he'll go back to sleep for a couple more hours so I can get a couple hours of sleep then too. And then he is up again for his marathon cluster feeding. Last night it was from about 12:30 till about 2:45 am. I'm not sure why I even look at the clock, to torture myself I guess. He eats a little, stops for awhile, eats a little more, stops for awhile, repeat repeat repeat. Seriously kid, why can't you just eat and go back to sleep?!? Last night he still wasn't really done when I pulled him off and gave him a pacifier instead because I was totally empty and totally DONE with it whether he was or not. He gave me a disgusted look when I tried to put the pacifier in his mouth, yawned, and went to sleep instead. And then Luke was up bright and early at 5 am sharp for the day. And that was a "good night" because I didn't have Luke up at 3 right after Matthew went back to sleep, like he does some nights. So, it's kinda rough. This too shall pass...someday...right? It's a nice problem to have, but exhausting.

And then Luke. He's not afraid of the baby anymore. He's quite comfortable poking his grubby little hands on the baby's face. "Bayee?" (baby) "Yep, that's the baby." (He has no interest in saying anything close to Matthew.) He also likes touching Matthew's nose and saying "no". He has managed to climb in the swing and in the rock n play about 50 times already (And he's good about waiting for a prime opportunity to do it, like when I'm changing a diaper.)-thankfully not with the baby in them-I don't think he would if the baby was there, while he doesn't mind touching him, he's not that comfortable around him, even so, I don't leave them in the same room together where Luke can reach Matthew. It will be a miracle if our swing survives beyond two kids at this rate.

I started taking Luke to My Gym this week. He is one of the biggest kids in his class and also the least cooperative. Circle time was a joke, I had to take him off to the side because he decided to throw a huge tantrum instead of doing the hand clapping things and songs and stuff. The problem was that they let the kids play for a few minutes before it started, and they had all kinds of beloved toddler stuff like mats and a ball pit and bouncy balls and a trampoline and climbers and slides. So Luke got a taste of that and then when I dragged him off the climber for "circle time" he was pretty pissed about it and really not impressed with the circle time activities. Luckily circle time only lasts for 5ish minutes or less and the rest of the "class" is a lot less structured...they have activities...but the kids can also just keep playing if they want...so Luke really didn't do much of the "class" and mostly just played. I am HOPING that after another week or two of this, he will get with the program and at least sit still if not comply with circle time. I think we would have been better off starting this a couple months ago, when he was a little more compliant, but it is too late for that now. The nice thing is that they have "free play" time every day at different times and you can go unlimited times a week for free (well, not really free because we are paying for classes, but it's free to go to free play as much as you want.) SO, we are going to be spending A LOT of time there this winter, I predict. My mom watched Matthew for us while we went though when we go for free play I will probably have to bring him most of the time and use a baby carrier.

Joe got the job he started interviewing for a couple months ago! It starts in a week or two and will be a lot better. Slightly shorter drive, better pay, much better benefits, much better training and job opportunities. They have training in Florida, actually, so I foresee a Florida vacation in our future. (Because Joe is out of his mind if he thinks he's going to Florida and leaving me here with a toddler and a baby on my own while he's in freaking Florida. We will all go, thank you very much.)

Time to feed the baby, then get dressed and take Luke outside to play for a bit (I dress the baby warmly, put him in the carseat with blankets and a carseat cover, and put it next to the door but inside the house, so I can see the baby from our porch and front yard, but he can still stay warm inside and I have my hands free to chase Luke around. It has worked pretty well so far but it's going to be harder when it gets cold.

Hopefully the planets will all align and we can take a long nap, all at the same time, today. Not holding my breath for that and I usually end up doing other stuff during the rare times both boys are asleep at the same time anyway.

Matthew is here!

Just a quick post while Matthew is in the nursery with the pediatrician and I'm waiting for my own doctor to discharge me (which she is not super thrilled tiabout but sighed and went with.)

Matthew was born at 7:50 am on Friday, Oct. 26th, weighing in at 6 lbs 5 oz, 19 inches long. He is long and tiny and perfect. Newborn diapers are still falling off him. (Also have gotten so many comments especially his first day, "Oh I love how round c-section babies' heads are!") C-section went perfectly, right as scheduled, no vaccums or extra drama, although evidently I am cursed with epidurals forever.

He is already really good at nursing and pretty opinionated on what he likes and doesn't like. (Doesn't like- being put down in his bed, diaper changes, not being able to move his arms.) He has a little jaundice but below the levels where they get concerned and it's leveling down. I initially didn't think he looked a lot like Luke but upon further review after looking at some of their pictures right after birth (especially with the same hats and everything), they are practically identical.

Luke has been up to the hospital every day. He's been doing well being shuffled back and forth between my parents and Joe, for the most part. He wants nothing to do with the baby at all (including sitting on one of us while the baby is being held), but he doesn't seem "against" him either, just "eh...where is my car?"

Matthew Joseph 10-26-12

My boys

One thing I forgot about is that I have a 30 lb toddler and my husband is only off work for another week. Pretty sure I'm not going to be able to (er...or supposed to...I sorta lifted him yesterday already and it was fine) lift him for a couple weeks. That could make things difficult. Note to self: pregnancy with a toddler, not my greatest plan ever, (DO NOT ATTEMPT AGAIN) but oh so worth it, and we'll muddle our way through the next part.

Uh, I guess this is it.

I am starting to get a little nervous about the whole c-section thing. This will be the first time that I've had much time to think about it in advance. With Olivia, we were just still shell shocked and devastated and numb and hoping that maybe she'd beat the 1% chance of survival odds they gave us, I was a little nervous, but really, there was so much going on and it happened so quickly, there was no time to think about it. And with Luke, we weren't really positive we would be delivering the next day until our amnio results came back saying his lungs were mature. And then we scrambled to get ready for him. And then my water broke and we rushed to the hospital and I hadn't even gotten my entire list done yet, and I was worried about being in labor and still not entirely convinced that we were really going to get to bring home a baby. This time, I feel like I have a lot more time to think about it (even though we still have plenty to do, we know it's for sure happening Friday and rather unlikely for anything crazy to happen between then and now.) My OB has already warned me that it will probably take longer then the other two because of scar tissue and everything. I'm also a little more nervous about infection this time after the hand saga got out of control so quickly. Hopefully it will be uneventful, no water breaking, no infection, no drama.

I may not have the carseat installed yet or the Pack N Play or Rock N Play or swing or bouncer seat upstairs yet (mainly because I had to relocate a few of Luke's big toys to make room for all the baby stuff...our living room is going to be out of control ridiculous between the toddler toys and then baby stuff in another week. Now that he's in the bigger room, with us keeping all of the diapering stuff in his "old" room for both kids, at least there is room for toys.) Anyway, still have quite a few things to do, but I managed to find time today to go get a pedicure with my mom. I decided to have my toenails painted sparkle orange to go for Halloween and Thanksgiving and fall in general. It is probably going to be awhile, maybe never, before my regular shoes fit again. I would have MUCH RATHER had them painted red for the Cardinals, but let's not even talk about that. I'm still pretty bitter. Anyway, good thing I have my priorities straight. (Actually, not too worried about bringing the baby stuff up early, I'm in the process of re-washing the covers anyway, but I figure it's less stuff for Luke to try to climb on. And Joe will be going back and forth between home and the hospital a lot since he's going to come home to stay with Luke, so it's not like he won't have time to do whatever I don't get done.) I have lots of baby clothes clean and put away, lots of clean baby blankets and bibs and hats, so I think we'll be okay.

And now off to bed. Only one more day and night to go.