I went to our support group meeting tonight and am glad I did. There were a lot of newish people-like in the first year but no one brand new-and only one person I hadn't met before. I ended up being the only experienced person as in 2 years or more "out".
It is always such a huge reminder of how far we've come, going there and talking to newish people. I remember my first meeting, talking to people that had lost their babies three and four plus years sooner and wondering how on earth they made it and how on earth I would ever do it. But here we are. Those "veterans" that I once looked up to, don't go to meetings much anymore, and suddenly here I am as a veteran. Someone told me tonight that they were glad I had come and that it gave them hope, so I'm glad I went.
It felt good, to have that time to sit and think about Olivia, and talk about her. I am in a weird place lately of feeling guilty for not feeling sad "enough" and just meh. But more and more lately, I am refusing to get into those grief mindgames and I just move on to thinking about something else instead of beating myself up.
I really cannot believe that we are approaching 4 years soon.
Also, I can't believe how stressed out I STILL get, four years and two mostly healthy pregnancies later, walking through that hospital again.
It also made me miss being pregnant, a little tiny bit. I was there 3x a week with Matthew for months and a ton with Lucas as well. Being pregnant stinks while you are pregnant, but all too soon those baby kicks from the inside and laying back listening to the baby's heart rate on monitors is over.
----
This is a big milestone week for our family.
On Sunday, Matthew started SLOOOOWWWWLLYYYYYYY but officially crawling. By the end of the day Monday, he could cross the room in a few seconds. He has a special knack for finding choking hazards--awesome. He has pulled himself to standing twice but only with his legs wayy far out behind him that he's not officially figured it out yet. He's getting really close though and loves "standing" on his knees all the time. My baby is getting big.
He tortured Joe tonight by crying his head off all night, while I was at the meeting. When I got home and took him he calmed down immediately although it took a few minutes for him to catch his breath.
That is my favorite part of going to meetings, is coming home and hugging my boys tight, because those meetings are a good reminder of how lucky we are to have them.
Anyway, Luke goes to preschool tomorrow for the first time. I am excited for him. And also a teeny tiny bit sad that my baby is old enough to go to preschool. (Granted, a lot of places don't have programs until 3.) I think he will love it though and I really really hope he doesn't cry or get sad. I'm nervous.
Since the proper mom thing to do is to take pictures of the kid with a sign that says first day, etc., and some overachieving parents also ask their kids what they want to do when they grow up and put that on the sign, I figured what the hell and asked Luke while I was rocking him to sleep what he wants to be when he grows up. (Uh, I don't even know if he knows what that even means.) He smiled sleepily at me and was quiet for a minute and then said, "A surprise!" {Actually in toddler speak it was "a 'rprize"}. Picture and sign and update to come tomorrow afternoon.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
Love love love. And heavy thoughts.
I am so in love with this music video and artist. She lost her daughter during her pregnancy and is crazy talented and writing music that sadly way too many of us can relate to:
A couple weeks ago someone posted an article discussing whether it is/was ethical for neonatalogists to attempt to "save" micropreemies even if the parents want them to try. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/05/opinion/end-of-life-at-birth.html?_r=0
I am so so torn on this. I always have been.
After they convinced us that we HAD to deliver Olivia (only after they said she would be stillborn if we didn't, which was true, as there was very low amniotic fluid and reverse bloodflow), they asked us if we wanted them to resuscitate her, if they could. They said that there was only about a 1% chance that she would live, and if she did, odds were extremely high that she would be severely handicapped.
Joe answered confidently and emphatically, "YES!" while looking at me and not knowing I had been about to say no. It's not that I didn't want a handicapped daughter, I didn't want to put her through everything keeping her alive would entail, only for her to die in a few days anyway. I think the doctor may have seen the doubt in my eyes and might have left us to talk about it, but those kind of details are fuzzy now. I do remember talking about it alone with him.
I remember the jackass MFM telling us that it was a lost cause, and that he couldn't really fathom WHY my OB would bother transferring me hospitals (from one with a moderate level NICU to one with the most advanced NICU in our area).
In hindsight, I am glad that Joe said yes, and that I let it stand, because I would have felt horribly guilty wondering if we shouldn't have said yes. There is enough to feel guilty about (I know not legitimately, but any mom who has lost a baby knows about the guilt that comes with it, as brutally unfair as that is.)
In the end, our choice didn't matter, because they decided after delivery for us that she was too small, and they said they didn't have small enough equipment. It turns out that even though the hospital is very Catholic, they use that excuse a lot, even with bigger babies, so I have come to think that's just their nicer way of saying they aren't going to try to save your baby, especially since other hospitals do/have saved 23 weekers. (About a year ago there was a 9.6 ounce baby born at 23 weeks from preeclampsia who was discharged from the hospital after 6 months...Olivia was 10.5 ounces at 23 weeks, so bigger then the baby that survived and according to her facebook page is doing relatively well today. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/worlds-smallest-surviving-babies-home/story?id=16714169 .)
And this is where it gets so tricky. It pisses me off, still, that they didn't even TRY. But then, if she was going to be in the NICU for a few days or hours but die anyway, I'm glad she didn't go through that. But what if she would have lived?...and that's where it gets so murky. We don't have a crystal ball to see how it would have turned out.
I love our boys and I can't imagine not having them fill my days with tantrums and giggles and visits in the middle of the night and everything. They make us so happy and fill our lives with so much love and joy. If Olivia was here, both of them probably wouldn't be. I can't be sad that they are here. I wish that she was too. But since it couldn't have ever worked out this way, I am more and more "at peace" I guess you could say, that they didn't try to save her. I'm still not sure if that means they shouldn't even give parents a choice, I don't like that alternative either. I guess no matter which way it goes, it sucks, to a certain extent.
As Olivia's fourth birthday is too rapidly approaching, my thoughts are more and more what our lives would be like if she were here, except when I imagine her here, I always imagine what life would be like with a typical 4 year old, not a 4 year old who was born at 23 weeks (who might have been typical by 4 but most likely, not.)
I miss her.
A couple weeks ago someone posted an article discussing whether it is/was ethical for neonatalogists to attempt to "save" micropreemies even if the parents want them to try. http://www.nytimes.com/2013/08/05/opinion/end-of-life-at-birth.html?_r=0
I am so so torn on this. I always have been.
After they convinced us that we HAD to deliver Olivia (only after they said she would be stillborn if we didn't, which was true, as there was very low amniotic fluid and reverse bloodflow), they asked us if we wanted them to resuscitate her, if they could. They said that there was only about a 1% chance that she would live, and if she did, odds were extremely high that she would be severely handicapped.
Joe answered confidently and emphatically, "YES!" while looking at me and not knowing I had been about to say no. It's not that I didn't want a handicapped daughter, I didn't want to put her through everything keeping her alive would entail, only for her to die in a few days anyway. I think the doctor may have seen the doubt in my eyes and might have left us to talk about it, but those kind of details are fuzzy now. I do remember talking about it alone with him.
I remember the jackass MFM telling us that it was a lost cause, and that he couldn't really fathom WHY my OB would bother transferring me hospitals (from one with a moderate level NICU to one with the most advanced NICU in our area).
In hindsight, I am glad that Joe said yes, and that I let it stand, because I would have felt horribly guilty wondering if we shouldn't have said yes. There is enough to feel guilty about (I know not legitimately, but any mom who has lost a baby knows about the guilt that comes with it, as brutally unfair as that is.)
In the end, our choice didn't matter, because they decided after delivery for us that she was too small, and they said they didn't have small enough equipment. It turns out that even though the hospital is very Catholic, they use that excuse a lot, even with bigger babies, so I have come to think that's just their nicer way of saying they aren't going to try to save your baby, especially since other hospitals do/have saved 23 weekers. (About a year ago there was a 9.6 ounce baby born at 23 weeks from preeclampsia who was discharged from the hospital after 6 months...Olivia was 10.5 ounces at 23 weeks, so bigger then the baby that survived and according to her facebook page is doing relatively well today. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/worlds-smallest-surviving-babies-home/story?id=16714169 .)
And this is where it gets so tricky. It pisses me off, still, that they didn't even TRY. But then, if she was going to be in the NICU for a few days or hours but die anyway, I'm glad she didn't go through that. But what if she would have lived?...and that's where it gets so murky. We don't have a crystal ball to see how it would have turned out.
I love our boys and I can't imagine not having them fill my days with tantrums and giggles and visits in the middle of the night and everything. They make us so happy and fill our lives with so much love and joy. If Olivia was here, both of them probably wouldn't be. I can't be sad that they are here. I wish that she was too. But since it couldn't have ever worked out this way, I am more and more "at peace" I guess you could say, that they didn't try to save her. I'm still not sure if that means they shouldn't even give parents a choice, I don't like that alternative either. I guess no matter which way it goes, it sucks, to a certain extent.
As Olivia's fourth birthday is too rapidly approaching, my thoughts are more and more what our lives would be like if she were here, except when I imagine her here, I always imagine what life would be like with a typical 4 year old, not a 4 year old who was born at 23 weeks (who might have been typical by 4 but most likely, not.)
I miss her.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Gold star for me.
Today we went to the zoo with my sister and her boyfriend.
Luke is at a tricky zoo age, he likes to walk and be out of the stroller, but he's not that great at holding hands reliably and needs to be lifted up often to see.
Matthew only tolerates the stroller for an hour or so at a time. And he isn't really a huge fan of being 'worn' for very long (although while we were at the zoo it occurred to me that I've never tried to put him in facing outward, which is one of the options, so I may have to give that a try.)
Anyway, the first and only time I attempted to bring both kids to the zoo on my own was when we were meeting up with a group of friends and that was mostly a huge disaster. (Had to chase Luke up the biggest freaking hill in the park because he broke free from my hand and chased a squirrel. Matthew wanted to be held most of the day and NOT in the baby carrier. Luke didn't want to ride in the stroller. Etc.) I learned my lesson from that and only try to go to the zoo if someone is with me or at least meeting a friend for a smaller group.
So we met them at the park and had a nice morning with just a bit of rain but that was okay too because it kept it from getting too crowded or hot. My sister and her boyfriend got "zoo'd out" after a couple of hours but there was no way I was going to try to drive 45 min home without feeding Matthew. I was feeling brave though so I told them they could go.
I managed to feed them both (big thanks to the ducks for keeping Luke entertained while Matthew was eating baby food)- only one minor meltdown over a part of the pretzel Luke dropped and I threw away before he could eat it, but other than that, it went smoothly enough and I told Luke that if he stayed in the stroller we could go see more animals. He said okay so I figured we'd give it a try and could always leave if he started getting antsy.
We went and saw the apes, and the birds, and the penguins, and the bears, and I even managed to find a wheelchair-accessible bathroom and took the kids in it because I had to pee, and they sat there quietly and were totally perfect.
We were all completely exhausted after that so we made our way back to the car and I changed both kids diapers as I put them in the car (one of the huge conveniences of having a minivan) and basically not only did we all survive our day of fun but it went ridiculously well and the only glitch in our afternoon was me getting mildly lost trying to find the penguins (and walking like 2000 feet out of our way but even that was okay because Luke liked looking at the animals along the way.)
I'm sure this means the next time I try to venture out with them, it will probably be a huge disaster, but for right now I'm relishing the moment that I took the two year old and 9 month old to the zoo and spent the afternoon with them there on my own and it was quite fantastic.
Now let's cross our fingers that everyone sleeps well tonight because I am exhausted and the boys must be too considering neither of them has slept for more than 45 minutes today.
Luke is at a tricky zoo age, he likes to walk and be out of the stroller, but he's not that great at holding hands reliably and needs to be lifted up often to see.
Matthew only tolerates the stroller for an hour or so at a time. And he isn't really a huge fan of being 'worn' for very long (although while we were at the zoo it occurred to me that I've never tried to put him in facing outward, which is one of the options, so I may have to give that a try.)
Anyway, the first and only time I attempted to bring both kids to the zoo on my own was when we were meeting up with a group of friends and that was mostly a huge disaster. (Had to chase Luke up the biggest freaking hill in the park because he broke free from my hand and chased a squirrel. Matthew wanted to be held most of the day and NOT in the baby carrier. Luke didn't want to ride in the stroller. Etc.) I learned my lesson from that and only try to go to the zoo if someone is with me or at least meeting a friend for a smaller group.
So we met them at the park and had a nice morning with just a bit of rain but that was okay too because it kept it from getting too crowded or hot. My sister and her boyfriend got "zoo'd out" after a couple of hours but there was no way I was going to try to drive 45 min home without feeding Matthew. I was feeling brave though so I told them they could go.
I managed to feed them both (big thanks to the ducks for keeping Luke entertained while Matthew was eating baby food)- only one minor meltdown over a part of the pretzel Luke dropped and I threw away before he could eat it, but other than that, it went smoothly enough and I told Luke that if he stayed in the stroller we could go see more animals. He said okay so I figured we'd give it a try and could always leave if he started getting antsy.
We went and saw the apes, and the birds, and the penguins, and the bears, and I even managed to find a wheelchair-accessible bathroom and took the kids in it because I had to pee, and they sat there quietly and were totally perfect.
We were all completely exhausted after that so we made our way back to the car and I changed both kids diapers as I put them in the car (one of the huge conveniences of having a minivan) and basically not only did we all survive our day of fun but it went ridiculously well and the only glitch in our afternoon was me getting mildly lost trying to find the penguins (and walking like 2000 feet out of our way but even that was okay because Luke liked looking at the animals along the way.)
I'm sure this means the next time I try to venture out with them, it will probably be a huge disaster, but for right now I'm relishing the moment that I took the two year old and 9 month old to the zoo and spent the afternoon with them there on my own and it was quite fantastic.
Now let's cross our fingers that everyone sleeps well tonight because I am exhausted and the boys must be too considering neither of them has slept for more than 45 minutes today.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
"Pants mom pants"
Quickly want to write this down so I don't forget about it later:
While I was feeding Matthew, I just asked Luke if he wants to go out to the park and play and that we need to get dressed. He disappears for a few minutes and then returns with one of my t-shirts and a pair of Joe's boxers (clean stuff he pulled out of the laundry basket) and is trying to put the boxers on saying "Pants mom, pants. Help!" and looking totally bewildered about it all.
Moments like this ALMOST make up for the time(s) when I had to chase him across the entire upper floor of a mall after he snuck by me while I was putting Matthew in the stroller and just took off and kept running and running until he reached the end of the mall. He was pretty lucky to still be alive after that one, and then a week later the exact same thing happened (same place), because I can be an idiot and didn't really think he would do it again.
While I was feeding Matthew, I just asked Luke if he wants to go out to the park and play and that we need to get dressed. He disappears for a few minutes and then returns with one of my t-shirts and a pair of Joe's boxers (clean stuff he pulled out of the laundry basket) and is trying to put the boxers on saying "Pants mom, pants. Help!" and looking totally bewildered about it all.
Moments like this ALMOST make up for the time(s) when I had to chase him across the entire upper floor of a mall after he snuck by me while I was putting Matthew in the stroller and just took off and kept running and running until he reached the end of the mall. He was pretty lucky to still be alive after that one, and then a week later the exact same thing happened (same place), because I can be an idiot and didn't really think he would do it again.
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Proud moment
A week ago or so, I ordered the Closetmaid cubical organizer thing for Luke's room. (It is pretty disappointing, just way too flimsy for a toddler room, IMO, (although Joe offered to fix it by putting some 2x4's along the back which would help a lot), and is going to end up in one of the boy's closets after I get a more sturdy organizer from IKEA when we go to Chicago in a few weeks to see Thomas the Train.
Anyway, it was delivered to our doorstep yesterday (ordered online for the sale deal, plus 5% off on my Target card, plus 5% more off through Upromise. Bonus: telling Joe I am saving for the boys' college funds by online shopping.) It took me a couple of hours to put it together due to many distractions and interruptions by a certain 9 month old and 2 year old and their expectations to eat dinner.
Once it was put together, I lamented how unsturdy it was, but Luke followed me into his room and his little two year old face lit up. (Prior to this, the toys in his room had been thrown in a large plastic Rubbermaid tub so this is a step up for sure.) He looked at me and patted one of the cubbies and said "Book!" "Book!" Then he ran into the living room, grabbed a few of his books from our built in bookshelf, and started stacking them up. He came back and forth a few more times until he was satisfied with his stack.
Sidenote: We did NOT paint his room that awful bright yellow color. (It
is tampered down in this picture, way worse in real life.) We were just
too lazy to mess with it since this was the spare room/office until
Matthew came along and Luke only just recently started sleeping in his
own room and still isn't in there very much. (He was sleeping in bed
with Joe while Matthew and I held down the fort in the living room,
super romantic. But then he wasn't sleeping through the night there
either, anyway, so I said what the heck, if he's going to wake up
looking for me at 3 am, he can at least start out in his own bed...so he
does.) Anyway, the previous owners not only picked a color we really
don't love, they did a horrible job painting (like skipped the inside of
the closet entirely...and before the yellow apparently it was a weird
bright green color...) The previous owners also put up some basic white
wall shelves, except the dumbasses never attached them to wall studs,
and a few weeks ago the shelves came crashing down, thank god not on
Luke's head. Guess what they also didn't paint? The wall underneath
where they installed the shelves, so now there are bright green stripes
on the wall under where they hung the shelves. So, I'm thinking painting
his room is in my near future.
Anyway, it was delivered to our doorstep yesterday (ordered online for the sale deal, plus 5% off on my Target card, plus 5% more off through Upromise. Bonus: telling Joe I am saving for the boys' college funds by online shopping.) It took me a couple of hours to put it together due to many distractions and interruptions by a certain 9 month old and 2 year old and their expectations to eat dinner.
Once it was put together, I lamented how unsturdy it was, but Luke followed me into his room and his little two year old face lit up. (Prior to this, the toys in his room had been thrown in a large plastic Rubbermaid tub so this is a step up for sure.) He looked at me and patted one of the cubbies and said "Book!" "Book!" Then he ran into the living room, grabbed a few of his books from our built in bookshelf, and started stacking them up. He came back and forth a few more times until he was satisfied with his stack.
 |
| The cubicals. |
 | ||
| A closer look at his stack of books, I will reorganize them later :) And his adorable backpack |
Thursday, August 1, 2013
9 months and 27 months
It is really hard to believe that Matthew is already 9 months old and has been here as long as I was pregnant with him. He is pulling himself into sitting, and up on his knees, and he is all over the place though not quite officially crawling, he still manages to get around. He is obsessed with me and whenever he is doing something and realizes that I'm not in the room (especially if he sees me after I've been away), he flips out. He likes watching other babies and other kids in general. As long as I'm nearby, he is usually pretty content. He still adores his big brother.
He has 3 teeth now (one top, two bottom, with another top one working it's way in)...they hurt! He eats anything we give him (and loves it), mostly jarred baby food, he is just now starting to figure out some very soft finger foods.
I am a slacker and only called to make Matthew's 9 month well baby appointment last week. (Surprise surprise, trying to make a well visit appointment in late July is not great timing, we should call it his 'almost 10 month' appointment.) So no stats on his growth except he is still fitting quite easily in the infant seat (where I will keep him as long as I can) and is WAYYYYYY smaller than Luke was at this point. He still fits in a lot of 6 month sized clothes.I would guess he's about 19 lbs or so.
He has had blocked tear ducts since he was born, and they have been off and on between okay, bad, and really bad. Since mid June, they had been really bad, so bad that I brought him back to the doctor for them. Anyway, the doctor said that they still have time to correct on their own (up till a year), and that most of the time that happens, but if it doesn't, then he will have to have surgery to fix it. So that has had us stressed even if it is a pretty minor surgery, he would still have to be pretty much unconscious for it. A couple weeks ago, one eye was suddenly better. The second eye has been steadily improving and I am hoping by the time we see the doctor in late August for him 9 month appointment, they will both be officially fine. It is REALLY nice not to have to deal with his eyes getting gunky every time he falls asleep and then torturing him to clean them out.
...
Luke is very two. He has me laughing at something silly he is saying one minute, pulling my hair out the next minute. He still really likes counting and is very interested in everything we try to teach him even if he doesn't quite get it. (Tonight we were working on colors in the bathtub. "Blue" "Red" "Yellow"...okay...what color is this? "Purple!"[yellow].) He loves counting and randomly points at things as he "counts" them and he keeps counting and pointing even if there are only 2 things. His counting is getting better I think..(1, 2, 3, 4, 7, 8, 9, teen, teen, teen). He is OBSESSED with trains and especially Thomas and friends. He is starting to repeat the things we say, which really sucks that he started doing this 2 weeks before preschool starts. The other day I was saying something to Joe and used the word "screwed" , I think it was something relatively benign like "That's screwed up" (probably about the freaking Cardinals...WTF man?!) Luke was sitting there and chirped out, "Screwed!", Without thinking I said, "OH CRAP!" And he parroted back, "cwap!" Fantastic! Luckily I haven't heard him say either word since. I guess I'm going to have to go back in teacher-talking mode.
He is talking a lot, all the time. It's crazy. And he loves playing with other kids, even his own brother, which is really nice.
I never in a million years thought I would be like this but I am starting to get a little sad about starting preschool in a couple weeks. It's only 6 hours a week and I will still have Matthew, so it's not like it's going to be this luxury vacation every day, especially since his preschool is about 15 min. from our house. I probably will spend that time out running errands mostly, actually. (Or hey, I could go work out and drop Matthew in the $2/hourly care at our city's rec center...) Anyway, it's only 3 hours a day. But it is going to be really really weird to take him somewhere (that isn't a family or friend's house), and then just leave him. I will probably be torn between skipping away or crying that first day. I know he is going to love it though and hopefully he will do pretty well. (In a perfect world, it will wear him out so that we come home and eat lunch and sleep the rest of the afternoon and I can get Matthew on the same schedule. I'm not holding my breath for any of that.)
He has 3 teeth now (one top, two bottom, with another top one working it's way in)...they hurt! He eats anything we give him (and loves it), mostly jarred baby food, he is just now starting to figure out some very soft finger foods.
I am a slacker and only called to make Matthew's 9 month well baby appointment last week. (Surprise surprise, trying to make a well visit appointment in late July is not great timing, we should call it his 'almost 10 month' appointment.) So no stats on his growth except he is still fitting quite easily in the infant seat (where I will keep him as long as I can) and is WAYYYYYY smaller than Luke was at this point. He still fits in a lot of 6 month sized clothes.I would guess he's about 19 lbs or so.
He has had blocked tear ducts since he was born, and they have been off and on between okay, bad, and really bad. Since mid June, they had been really bad, so bad that I brought him back to the doctor for them. Anyway, the doctor said that they still have time to correct on their own (up till a year), and that most of the time that happens, but if it doesn't, then he will have to have surgery to fix it. So that has had us stressed even if it is a pretty minor surgery, he would still have to be pretty much unconscious for it. A couple weeks ago, one eye was suddenly better. The second eye has been steadily improving and I am hoping by the time we see the doctor in late August for him 9 month appointment, they will both be officially fine. It is REALLY nice not to have to deal with his eyes getting gunky every time he falls asleep and then torturing him to clean them out.
...
Luke is very two. He has me laughing at something silly he is saying one minute, pulling my hair out the next minute. He still really likes counting and is very interested in everything we try to teach him even if he doesn't quite get it. (Tonight we were working on colors in the bathtub. "Blue" "Red" "Yellow"...okay...what color is this? "Purple!"[yellow].) He loves counting and randomly points at things as he "counts" them and he keeps counting and pointing even if there are only 2 things. His counting is getting better I think..(1, 2, 3, 4, 7, 8, 9, teen, teen, teen). He is OBSESSED with trains and especially Thomas and friends. He is starting to repeat the things we say, which really sucks that he started doing this 2 weeks before preschool starts. The other day I was saying something to Joe and used the word "screwed" , I think it was something relatively benign like "That's screwed up" (probably about the freaking Cardinals...WTF man?!) Luke was sitting there and chirped out, "Screwed!", Without thinking I said, "OH CRAP!" And he parroted back, "cwap!" Fantastic! Luckily I haven't heard him say either word since. I guess I'm going to have to go back in teacher-talking mode.
He is talking a lot, all the time. It's crazy. And he loves playing with other kids, even his own brother, which is really nice.
I never in a million years thought I would be like this but I am starting to get a little sad about starting preschool in a couple weeks. It's only 6 hours a week and I will still have Matthew, so it's not like it's going to be this luxury vacation every day, especially since his preschool is about 15 min. from our house. I probably will spend that time out running errands mostly, actually. (Or hey, I could go work out and drop Matthew in the $2/hourly care at our city's rec center...) Anyway, it's only 3 hours a day. But it is going to be really really weird to take him somewhere (that isn't a family or friend's house), and then just leave him. I will probably be torn between skipping away or crying that first day. I know he is going to love it though and hopefully he will do pretty well. (In a perfect world, it will wear him out so that we come home and eat lunch and sleep the rest of the afternoon and I can get Matthew on the same schedule. I'm not holding my breath for any of that.)
 |
| This was how he greeted me in his crib one day after waking up from nap |
 |
| Luke and another rainbow baby at Purina Farms, pretty sure we have been there 6 times this summer and Luke would gladly go another hundred times |
 |
| I still can't believe how big he is getting. |
Sunday, June 30, 2013
"Vacation"
When I was young, my family and my dad's side of the family (2 other families that include 7 cousins and my grandmother) went to a family resort in the woods of rural Missouri off the Meramec River for a week. They have little cottages with screened in porches where families stay, a lodge with a bunch of games, a lot of playgrounds and games and activities, plus family style meals with servers to refill drinks and food. Plus float trips daily and a heated pool. We stopped going for awhile when my siblings and I were too busy playing softball and baseball all summer, but then my parents started taking my youngest brother a few years ago.
It's a bittersweet place for me. We went when I was about 10 weeks pregnant with Olivia and made a reservation the following summer for "2 adults, 1 baby", so sure that it was a sure thing then, already. We didn't go the following summer at all. The next summer, we went with Lucas, who was only about 8 or 9 weeks old at the time, so I pretty much spent most of the time in our cottage breastfeeding or pumping.We went back this year for a full week after skipping it last year. I have a lot of memories there.
Joe was shockingly surprised that a "vacation" with a 2 year old and an 8 month old in a 1 room cottage is not very relaxing. I think it gave him a new appreciation for what my day is like while he's off at work. We were able to divide and conquer a lot, plus my parents and youngest brother and sister were there to help chase Luke around or help with the baby, so it actually was pretty relaxing for me, at least compared to a normal week when I'm on my own. I had to laugh when at one point when we were going to bed, Joe said, "This isn't vacation! This is HELL!" after an especially exhausting morning of chasing Luke all over the place. (While I was in our cottage laying in bed feeding Matthew and reading a trashy book.)
Anyway, it was mostly good. Our cottage was directly across the street from my parents' cottage, and in between us there was a nice climber with a tunnel and and wave slide. Luke woke up every morning saying "pway?" "pway?" (play). And he played his heart out. We spent many many hours sitting there watching him play and playing with him. He also carried his trains everywhere and played with them a lot. And in the lounge, he got several hours of play out of the shuffleboard table (where he unknowingly kicked my butt), and rolling the white cue ball across the pool table into the holes and then running to get the ball back provided another several hours of entertainment though that was a pain because he couldn't be 100% trusted to ROLL the cue ball. He just ran around from one place to the next, one person to the next, over and over and over. He took a good nap every day because he seriously exhausted himself though he stayed up at night later than we would have liked. Having both boys in the cottage was seriously hell on our sleep, if one went to sleep early, the other would be up late, and then the kid who slept early would wake up early and wake up the other kid. There was NO sleeping in. We were lucky when they slept past 6. Waiting for 8 am to roll around so we could go eat breakfast kind of sucked, my kids haven't slept till 8 am, like ever that I can remember.
It is nice to be home again, with internet and tv and comfortable chairs and all of the kids' stuff. Luke is going to have some serious Cobblestone withdrawal I think, though. I need a few days at home doing almost nothing to recover.
Anyway, some pictures:
There are a few more on instagram, which I just recently joined and am still trying to figure out.
It's a bittersweet place for me. We went when I was about 10 weeks pregnant with Olivia and made a reservation the following summer for "2 adults, 1 baby", so sure that it was a sure thing then, already. We didn't go the following summer at all. The next summer, we went with Lucas, who was only about 8 or 9 weeks old at the time, so I pretty much spent most of the time in our cottage breastfeeding or pumping.We went back this year for a full week after skipping it last year. I have a lot of memories there.
Joe was shockingly surprised that a "vacation" with a 2 year old and an 8 month old in a 1 room cottage is not very relaxing. I think it gave him a new appreciation for what my day is like while he's off at work. We were able to divide and conquer a lot, plus my parents and youngest brother and sister were there to help chase Luke around or help with the baby, so it actually was pretty relaxing for me, at least compared to a normal week when I'm on my own. I had to laugh when at one point when we were going to bed, Joe said, "This isn't vacation! This is HELL!" after an especially exhausting morning of chasing Luke all over the place. (While I was in our cottage laying in bed feeding Matthew and reading a trashy book.)
Anyway, it was mostly good. Our cottage was directly across the street from my parents' cottage, and in between us there was a nice climber with a tunnel and and wave slide. Luke woke up every morning saying "pway?" "pway?" (play). And he played his heart out. We spent many many hours sitting there watching him play and playing with him. He also carried his trains everywhere and played with them a lot. And in the lounge, he got several hours of play out of the shuffleboard table (where he unknowingly kicked my butt), and rolling the white cue ball across the pool table into the holes and then running to get the ball back provided another several hours of entertainment though that was a pain because he couldn't be 100% trusted to ROLL the cue ball. He just ran around from one place to the next, one person to the next, over and over and over. He took a good nap every day because he seriously exhausted himself though he stayed up at night later than we would have liked. Having both boys in the cottage was seriously hell on our sleep, if one went to sleep early, the other would be up late, and then the kid who slept early would wake up early and wake up the other kid. There was NO sleeping in. We were lucky when they slept past 6. Waiting for 8 am to roll around so we could go eat breakfast kind of sucked, my kids haven't slept till 8 am, like ever that I can remember.
It is nice to be home again, with internet and tv and comfortable chairs and all of the kids' stuff. Luke is going to have some serious Cobblestone withdrawal I think, though. I need a few days at home doing almost nothing to recover.
Anyway, some pictures:
 |
| If you follow the path behind my mom, that's where our cottage was. If you follow the path behind Luke, that's where their cabin was, with this play stuff right in the middle. Perfect for Luke, except he thought he would run back and forth across the path between cabins and pay no attention to running across the road which thankfully was not busy and we could hear cars coming since it was made of rock. |
 |
| Not too sure about the barrel train ride |
 |
| Get me out! |
 |
| Brothers just hanging out at 5 am. It looks like they are asleep, but they were not, and Luke has his arm draped across Matthew's neck. |
 |
| Of course we can't both look at the camera and smile at the same time! |
 |
| Loving how much they love each other. |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
