14 weeks

There's my belly 14 weeks in the newly painted baby room. We painted it this summer when we were still planning on selling the house, luckily the color will work whether this baby is a boy or a girl.

So far, everything seems to be going okay. My blood pressure is good, the lovenox shots are a pain but worth it, and finally the nausea seems to be mostly gone and better. I still have random moments where I don't feel well, but for the most part I can actually eat again, finally.

Rainbow, 13+ 4 ultrasound and doctor

I had a panic attack at my OB appointment on Monday (13 wks exactly), while the nurse was taking my blood pressure. I don't know what exactly freaked me out, just everything. Luckily my blood pressure was still not ridiculously bad even considering the panic attack. The doctor was very pleased with my blood pressures so far, (I still don't get why, they were NEVER high with Olivia, even when I was at my sickest in the hospital- but she still calls it pre-eclampsia too and technically by definition it wasn't, it was just HELLP.)

She gave me the lab slip to get the AFP bloodwork (also known as the "quad screen") at 16 weeks, and when I talked about what kind of monitoring they'll be doing once I'm 20+ weeks, she said that it would be a lot more and reminded me that I can come in every day that I want, even every day if I need it. She found the baby's heartbeat right away and we heard him/her moving around. She's having me meet her new partner at my next appointment. My doctor has stopped doing on call with other practices, so I'll either see her or her partner in the hospital for sure. I'm not sure if I should take that as a sign that my doctor doesn't expect me to make it very far again or she's just getting it out of the way now. The first time she wasn't concerned about me meeting her partner until 30ish weeks and I ended up meeting her in the hospital and delivering at 23. This time I'll be meeting the partner at 18 weeks. She also told me that she wants me to go through all of my first pregnancy with the partner, even though it's in my charts and records, that it will be good for her to hear it. So, that should take awhile and will be a very fun time (this will be about the 5th time I've rehashed it to doctors who have all of my records in the past 4 months or so.)

On Friday, when I was 13 wks and 4 days, we had an ultrasound with the high risk perinatal center.It was a different tech from the first time, so I guess they actually have two ultrasound techs. The baby was measuring AHEAD, by up to 4 days! His/her heart rate was 150. Even the ultrasound tech commented that the baby was being ridiculously cute, upside down, right side up, little elbows and hands and legs flying everywhere. (They probably say that to everyone, but she didn't say it like "oh your fetusbaby is so cute"...it was when baby was being all crazy she said, "OH! That's so cute!") The doctor thought everything looked great (not mine but one of the high risk people who keep a live watch on all of the ultrasounds that are happening- different doctors are on "ultrasound duty" on different days.) She printed us like 10 good pictures, and here they are:

(In this one rainbow has their arm in front of their face, the tech thought trying to suck his/her thumb.)

This one you may recognize from the blog header, it's the same picture of rainbow, with a pretty decent outline of rainbow's profile and you can see his/her arm on the side of their body (the part that's more white), and clearly the walls of my uterus make a lovely footrest. Can't wait to start feeling all of those kicks!

Another profile shot, rainbow has his/her arm up and hand flexed towards himself/herself.


According to "nub theory", baby is looking girlish, but ultrasound tech wouldn't even take a guess, so we won't start buying pink just yet.

Baby has clearly had enough of the paparazzi-like ultrasound techs. Hand is up in front of his/her face, as if shooing away the camera, with his/her little elbow sticking up.
 (Don't worry, baby's head is still there, just not apparent in this shot.)





Ultrasounds are a lot more fun when baby has obvious body parts rather than just a blob or shrimp. Hopefully our next few ultrasounds are this good! (Olivia started falling behind in growth about 17-19 weeks and then a lot more significantly by 22 weeks, so if this baby just stays on track through 23 or 24 weeks, that will be a very good sign, even if I do ultimately get sick again, if we can push back when things start going bad back by a few more weeks, this baby will have a decent chance.)

Rainbow, 9 weeks ultrasound

Luckily there is a Perinatal Center a couple of minutes away from my house. It's a lot faster to get to, and there are a lot less people waiting, then at the Perinatal Center at the hospital, so it works out well. (I still have to go to the hospital for MFM appointments though.) The only downside is that there isn't a doctor on-site there, but they have doctors watching the pictures because they all go to the main Perinatal center where there's a doctor on duty all the time.

I really liked the ultrasound tech today. She had actually read my chart so she didn't ask me "is this your first pregnancy?" and "why are you here?" and crap like that. But she also didn't pretend like it never happened, she told me she was sorry we lost our daughter and was asking me what the HELLP pain felt like. I really appreciated it. This center only has 2 techs, and since I'm going back every 4 weeks and then more often later, I'll definitely be seeing her again.

The tech was excited to consider this the "first baby picture" even though it's hardly the first, so I didn't tell her otherwise. The baby was measuring exactly on track, and one day ahead on measurements! Joe and I call this the "shrimp" stage, because the baby looks rather similar to a shrimp.

This is the best "baby-like" picture of the bunch, I think:

And a very shrimp-looking picture:

And one more:

The baby's heart rate was 153 beats per minute.

Rainbow, 8.5 weeks ultrasound, first doctor visit

Today was my first "regular doctor" (ie. OB/GYN) visit. After a week of lovenox, I was anxious to see how things were going. My doctor made the comment, "If we could just get you to 28 weeks, that would be fantastic!" (Maybe I'm being overly optimistic, but I'm kind of hoping to make it 30ish weeks. I don't really think either doctor seriously expects me to make it 36/37 weeks, but to make it in the 30's is sort of my goal. Well, my first goal is to make it out of the first trimester. Then to 24 weeks. Then to 26 weeks. etc. etc.)   She was also really relieved that there was only one baby.

The nurse seriously made me go through my entire medical history and pregnancy with Olivia, all over again, even though I'm using the same doctor so they have more of the details in my records than I know. She at least seemed to sort of realize that Olivia had died, although she "had to ask", she at least didn't smile brightly and say, "Oh you have a one year old!" or something along the lines. And she almost whispered as if saying it softly made it more gentle, "Sorry but I have to ask, did your baby die?" I'm pretty comfortable these days, telling even strangers if they ask how many kids we have, that our daughter died. (Not really the answer they usually expect but that's not my problem, I'm not going to act like she never existed.) So, it's not talking about it that bothers me, although I might get a little teary eyed sometimes, I usually don't anymore. It just seems a little redundant to have to re-hash it over and over again with people that have all of the information in my chart anyway.

I got to skip the bloodwork because I had it done with the MFM the week before, although that really annoyed the nurse and they even called me an hour after my appointment to scold me for not getting it done, when my OB had told me not to do the bloodwork that they'd just get it from the MFM.

The baby is looking gradually more baby and less embryo. The best news is that EVERYTHING MEASURED ON TRACK! (Coincidence or is that lovenox already working?) The baby's heart rate was 176.

Here are the pictures:

 

Rainbow, 7 weeks, first high risk appointment

Today was our first appointment with the high risk doctor (who I will usually try to refer to as the MFM- maternal fetal specialist). Honestly, I went in with the expectation of learning that the baby had died. Surprisingly, my blood pressure was pretty good, especially considering the nurse said, "Oh, so you have a little girl at home?" while taking my blood pressure. (This is the second or third time this has happened, I'm almost used to it, I guess.) I said flatly, "No, she died," while Joe glared daggers at the woman. And I let him, especially considering that this was the same nurse who we went over my entire medical history and pregnancy with Olivia with last year, at our pre-conception consult. Not that I expected her to remember us a year later, but apparently my chart needs a big red "baby died" flag or sticker, for every doctor and dentist I see.

Anyway, the doctor checked out the baby with the roll in ultrasound machine, and we saw the baby/embryo alive and well, heart beating rapidly as it's supposed to be, and she measured the growth and now we are only 3 days behind, so that was a little more reassuring. (The doctor is not worried at all about the growth. Since I was seeing a fertility doctor, we are sure of my due date so they won't change that even if the baby measures behind throughout the pregnancy.) Here's the pictures:

  

And they taught me how to do the lovenox shots, which will be 2 times a day, and I have to inject them in my stomach. (Which really really burns.) They took about 7 vials of blood, for all of the regular prenatal labs, plus baselines of my liver enzymes and platelets so they know what we are starting at for pregnancy, and a baseline 24 hour urine.

So far, everything looks okay.

Rainbow, 6 weeks + 3 days, we have a heartbeat!

Today was our first ultrasound at the Perinatal Center. The point of having an ultrasound this early was to confirm there was still a viable pregnancy and heartbeat, so that I could start lovenox injections soon after.

This is what we saw:

 

The embryo's heart rate (not looking much like a "baby" just yet) measured  in at 118 beats per minute, which they promised was good. However, the baby was measuring 4 days behind, so I immediately panicked and started expecting everything to go wrong, again, while Joe thought I was nuts.

9-28-2010

We were determined to celebrate Olivia's 1st birthday this year. She may not have been here for very long, but her life still counts and we will always celebrate her birthday.

First, there were cupcakes:

  

And then, there were balloons:

Which we released into the sky, at Olivia's grave:

 

And then we went by the Angel of Hope in St.Charles:

 

All in all, it was a nice day. Not the way we ever would have imagined spending our first child's first birthday. Happy birthday, butterfly baby, we love you.