33 weeks in pictures

My mom's paraprofessional at school painted our memory box for Olivia with the exact pattern from her dress. (It's not faded, that's just from the flash, the letters are wood and glued on top, this is just the top but the entire box is full of the tiny extremely detailed little flowers.):

She also painted these letters for us for Lucas:

We'll hang them above his crib. I love how they turned out and I also really love that we have something "for" both kids painted by her. I could have had someone paint letters from etsy (love that website) or craigslist, but they feel more special this way.

My baby shower was last Sunday (with my cold and all, and thankfully still pregnant). It was very nice, I had a great time and we got a ton of amazing gifts. My cold is still hanging on, though luckily it doesn't much bother me except for my nose is constantly running. (God bless whoever invented tissues with lotion.)

Also, I'm pretty sure that a certain baby has dropped. (They sort of confirmed it at my Tuesday monitoring appointment, but said he'd drop more so I'm not sure. And when they said he'd drop more I was like "really?" and she was like, "well yeah, when you are in labor!" "Um, no, I'm not going into labor."  This was just a nurse, some of them are kind of crappy, I don't think she even bothered to glance over why I was even there at all. Some of them are really good though, it just depends.)  Anyway, this is 31 weeks in the black and gray shirt vs. 33 weeks. (Also, since 31 weeks I've lost 6 pounds, not that I can tell it from here.)

 I'm also behind in posting baby ultrasound pictures, these were done at 32 weeks exactly, luckily there was still enough room to get decent shots, even though he was definitely measuring bigger than a 32 weeker.

Baby feet/legs and arm:

That's just a shadow and not hair (or a hole) on his head...at least I think.

And the picture below, the cord is in front of his face and making his mouth look a bit strange, but if you disregard that, he looks A LOT like my brother Nick and my dad as babies in this picture:

And he has most definitely mastered the art of thumb sucking. At my last two monitoring appointments when they went to check my fluid levels on ultrasound, he's been sucking his thumb both times again. Last time he was even flexing his fingers out and sucking on two fingers. Hopefully we can interest him in a pacifier when he's here, because that will be a much easier habit to break later (I'm a fan of the "throw them away" method, having worked in daycare), than thumbs which you can't really get rid of...

30 weeks (!!!)

I could have done without the 4 or so slushy inches of snow today, first of all, but thankfully it didn't really mess up our plans, though we probably spent a little less time at the cemetery because it was so cold. We plan to go back in a few weeks, though. (It's about 40 minutes away so we try to go monthly at least, but the ultrasound place happened to be about 10 minutes away from it, so it sort of worked out, except for the stupid weather.)

Anyway, I think we've solved the heart rate dropping mystery. Luke was in his favorite position, sort of head down and sort of transverse/horizontal (laying across me), with his feet over his head. That pesky but all important cord was tucked between his face and his legs. I should mention that when they do ultrasounds for the biophysical profile, almost every single time, his legs have been over his head, he usually has the nurse laughing at his antics. So. It's easy to see how/why the cord may be getting compressed. Thanks to his knees being in front of his face and the cord being between them, we didn't really get great pictures. But, it was well worth it for the sneak peak and peace of mind. I'm not totally at ease about it, but I feel a little bit better. If nothing else, it will help me get through *this week* before new drama of some sort starts.

Anyway, here's a couple of the pictures we got:
This is one showing him hugging his knees over his head,

And this one is okay for his face...the girl assured us that his lips aren't actually messed up and they just look a bit odd because of the cord being partially in the way between his legs and face...(and that's his shoulder/arm at the bottom, I'm pretty sure.)

And this is what he looks like from the outside:

Things are moving along relatively okay.  I'm still not so sure that pre-eclampsia isn't on the way, but so far there's nothing alarming and I think I should be able to make it at least a couple more weeks at this rate provided things stay status quo.

I did have a couple of contractions yesterday which is not going to please my doctor at all when I tell her on Thursday. (Even though they clearly weren't, "I'm in labor" contractions, because of the type of incision on my uterus, any contractions really aren't great. I'm not sure how big of a deal they are exactly because we haven't talked about it yet.-I know that labor is definitely bad and they'd deliver immediately emergency-like or try to stop it. But not so sure how bad just plain contractions that aren't really indicative of labor are.- I didn't call yesterday because at first I thought it was bad cramps, and by the time I figured it out around the 3rd one in an hour, I sat down to make sure, and they stopped and haven't started again. So I figured it could wait unless it started again, especially since for my monitoring they put a belt on to monitor contractions too and I have that tomorrow.) So maybe that will be our next drama and maybe not.We'll see. I'd much prefer that kind of drama instead of more crappy nonstress tests or something else, if we must have some sort of drama, which it seems we must. Besides that, I'm kind of shocked at how good I feel physically...no back pain...no rib pain...just some annoying heartburn and numb hands and sometimes dizziness (and bending down is quite annoying, as is getting up, and turning over to my other side in bed.Anything that requires a big shift in position, basically is a bit annoying. I'll take it though!)

30 weeks is a really good place to be, drama or not, it's farther than they realistically expected us to make it. I've never been in the 30's before. Now I try to remember that for every 1 day in utero saves 2 days in the NICU, so hopefully we can go another few weeks and keep our NICU stay either nonexistent or minimal.

Monitoring= big fat fail

Today was our growth ultrasound and our first monitoring appointment. The good news is that he's measuring good and looking mostly good, in between a week and 2 weeks ahead, estimated weight 3 lb 3 oz (+/- 7 oz) which is very good since we're just 27+4 wks. I had hoped that he would be at 3 lbs and I know that ultrasound weight estimates aren't very accurate the farther along and bigger the babies get, but just "guessing" that he's at 3 lbs makes me pretty happy. I know lungs and other stuff still need time in utero to get a bit better, but I'm feeling pretty good now that if we had to deliver soon, he's in pretty good shape for a 27.5 weeker. (I guess thank you gestational diabetes.)

I can't believe how much his little legs filled out. They even look like little baby thighs even on the ultrasound. He had his feet over his head the whole time and is head down on his side with his feet by his head too. (So we're expecting quite a contortionist.)

The bad news is that they had me start doing monitoring today too, and he totally failed the non-stress test (NST) because of "variables" she called them where it (his heartrate?) dropped sharply and then went back up. That happened about 4 times in the 20ish minutes of monitoring, which she said they really don't like to see this early at all. She (the RN) said that it sometimes happens with full-term women and they usually are just delivering are about to deliver so not a big deal. This early, I don't know. She was a little vague about it and just reiterated that they don't like to see it especially this early. It can indicate compression of the cord, etc. And then they kept saying that they don't usually start monitoring until 32 weeks or so, so I don't know how much that might account for it or not. (Maybe this happens with a lot of 27 weekers but they don't see it because they aren't monitoring many 27 weekers? Or maybe it's just bad?) Again, not having a doctor around kind of backfired, there was a doctor they kept consulting at the real perinatal center (which is a half hour away from us with about a 45 minute waiting time, we go to this place instead because it's 5 minutes away and there's almost never a wait and there's still a doctor keeping an eye on everything at both sites, but if we had been in the first site, he would have came in and talked to us, instead we're kind of playing telephone between the RN and u/s tech and they are super nice and answer what they can but they aren't doctors.) I suppose I could have asked to talk to the doctor about it but he's not my doctor anyway, and whatever.

That earned us a full biophysical profile (BPP) where they watch movements, muscle tone, fluid level, and have to practice breathing, etc. He failed that because he's decided that practicing breathing for 30 seconds is lame. (They give you points for everything, it's either 0 points or 2 points. So we got 0 points for breathing and 0 points for the NST. 8/10 is passing, we were at 6/10.) But they said practicing breathing for 27 weekers is iffy- he did actually practice a few times but not for the required 30 seconds. So we failed monitoring on both counts, but I think everything else on the BPP was okay. For now they are having me go back Monday and I have an OB appointment too. Then monitoring again Friday (at least as far as I know, who knows what will happen depending on how it goes Monday.) I'm not too worried about the breathing but really not sure how worried to be about the decels, they kept saying they don't usually do monitoring this early as if that might explain it but it doesn't seem like it's normal at all to me. His movements were fine, I've felt him moving in the time since we left, his heart rate was okay except for the decels, fluid was good, his growth is good...so...I don't know what to think of all this. I'm strangely kind of reassured because we're being watched so closely, I'm just not sure if I'm being naive and I should be packing for the hospital, or what to think right now. I think if he keeps failing, I probably am going to at least end up in the hospital with constant monitoring until they can figure out what's going on and we may be meeting him sooner than later. I really don't like this not knowing. First the unexplained dizziness which I know might just be normal, but now this, I can't help but feel like there is something going on that's not quite right that they haven't quite figured out yet and my body and the baby are trying to compensate for whatever *it* is the best they can, but eventually something is going to give. The point of the monitoring was supposed to be to ensure that the baby is okay, but he failed both tests, so now what? I understand why they didn't send me straight to the hospital, it wasn't *that* bad, my blood pressure was good, he looked good otherwise, (he's kicking me as I type this). But, I don't know. I've done some googling and came up with some crappy stuff regarding cord issues (really, there may be a cord issue too on top of everything else?) and stillbirths. Right now I can only assume that if things remain as they were today, we'll either be delivering soon (I'll take the 90% ish odds of a 28 weeker vs. the 0% odds of a baby born still, any day) or at least earn ourselves a hospital stay while they try to figure out whatever is going on and keep a closer eye on him.


In the mean time, I'm semi-reassured that he's been moving a lot this afternoon and my blood pressure and everything else is decent. (It's up slightly this afternoon but I think after this morning, that's pretty much to be expected.) Hopefully he'll be a busy boy all weekend and decide that breathing is cool and the drama is not cool on Monday. (Although I guess I'll always be wondering about this until he is safely out.)

24 weeks and ultrasound

Today is 24 weeks exactly.

Emotionally, I'm a little conflicted. Happy and excited and relieved to be this far. But also, really sad that I couldn't have made it this far with Olivia. When I got sick with her at 23+2, 24 weeks was an impossible milestone. She would have died inside me and I probably wouldn't have made it either. But still, I would have willingly died to get this far if it would have saved her. I've made peace with the fact that it wasn't actually a choice between her or me, if we hadn't delivered when we did it would have been both of us pretty quickly. But still, every milestone we reach with Lucas is a bittersweet reminder of all of the milestones we weren't able to reach Olivia. Why couldn't my pregnancy have went like this the first time? It isn't that we aren't excited and happy about our little boy, we are, but it doesn't take away from missing our baby girl so very much. Being pregnant again is so much harder than I expected it to be.

Anyway, my ultrasound was supposed to be tomorrow, but since they've called a weather state of emergency for tomorrow, and we're supposed to be getting a bunch of ice, sleet, and then a blizzard, when they called and asked if I could come in today, I said okay. Luckily, my mom's school was released early for the weather and she was able to meet me there. I have a phobia about going to ultrasounds alone now, because when I got bad news with Olivia (over and over again), it always worked out that I was alone- even in the hospital, I had just sent Joe home to get food and let the dogs out when they figured out I had HELLP. So anyway, my strategy for ultrasounds this time has been have someone with me and the bad news will stay away. I was relieved my mom could make it.

So, the ultrasound was pretty much entirely good. Baby Lucas really wasn't as active today but it was during his 1 pm naptime and I could feel him moving most of last night (ALL night even through 2-4 am) and most of this morning. (He was moving around, just not upside down and all over the place, he mostly stayed in the same position for once.) His heart rate was 150 and his shortest measurement was 25+1, his biggest measurement was 25+6 (I think that was his femur), when they averaged it together he is now about 8 days ahead, estimated weight 1 lb 13 ounces (pretty good for 24 weeks exactly), and he's in the 66% for growth. My fluid levels look good and everything else looked good. (They didn't do a blood flow study.) At one point during the ultrasound he kicked me so hard the tech felt it and my mom saw it on my belly. He was laying horizontally, looking down, with his legs stretched out all the way down. I really didn't get any good pictures this time, he was in a bad position and she gave me a couple of face shots, a not very good picture of his legs stretched out, and another "boy!" picture. Not that there's been any doubt before, but he's definitely still a boy, today's picture was very clear about that.

My mom asked the ultrasound tech a bunch of questions about the notching for me. (They aren't going to look at blood flow again for now unless his growth slows down or I start showing concerning symptoms/blood pressure acts up). It turns out it was only in one artery (as opposed to two), and was really really mild. I feel better about it since his growth has actually gotten better instead of worse. With Olivia, it was about 4 weeks from the time she first started falling behind to the time I had HELLP,  so I feel like this hopefully should guarantee us at least four more weeks.

The dizziness  is still hanging on. I didn't do my gestational diabetes test this morning because they were originally expecting the ice to start at 6 am today and I didn't want to be out on the roads in that. I'm hoping to get it done Friday and I'm going to call my doctor's office on Thursday and ask them to write another lab slip for them to test me for anemia at the same time- might as well limit my number of blood draws and I really think the dizziness is probably either just an annoying pregnancy thing or anemia and not gestational diabetes. I wouldn't be surprised if I have both GD and anemia, but I haven't found any mention of GD causing dizziness and I tried doing the GD diet and it really didn't help the dizziness at all. (But the dizziness actually went away last night after I ate steak and broccoli for dinner.) Anyway, I'm hoping that the roads will get clear enough that maybe on Friday I can get the tests done, but in the meantime I guess I'll just have to deal with dizzy afternoons. At least it doesn't seem to be bothering or hurting the baby, whatever it is.

Last but not least:
Ginormous belly at 24 weeks, I'm definitely not complaining, if huge belly= huge baby, then bring it on. I'm just glad my back doesn't really hurt, strangely it hurt a lot in the first trimester so much that I asked my high risk doctor about it (worried that the epidural with Olivia had somehow screwed up my spine because that's where it hurt), but now that I'm huge, no back pain.

20 wks +4 days ultrasound and pics

Today we had another good ultrasound. (And a bonus was that my mom was able to go with us.)  He's still a boy, still measuring ahead on everything-about 5 days when they average all of his measurements (and all of the individual measurements were 4+ days ahead). His estimated weight is 1 lb, +/- 2 oz. (I had said that he should be about 13 oz now, so that was a pleasant surprise that he's already 1 lb or close.) And he was still crazy active moving everywhere and anywhere, upside down and wherever.

Heart rate was 142 beats per minute, for us the old wives tale has been totally true, Olivia's heart rate was always in the 160's- high 150's even when she wasn't moving much. Lucas almost always has a heart rate in the 140's even when he's moving like crazy, sometimes it will get up to the low 150's on the dopplers, but our boy has consistently had a lower heart rate than our girl had.

He really likes his hands and feet already, and there was even a moment where he caught his foot in his hand, which unfortunately she didn't get a still picture of but we all saw it.

And now the pictures:

 Profile shot whilst kicking me, his hand is pointing towards his face on his chest.

 This is a view from the top of his head, a few very long fingers. (There were 5.)

 Another shot from the above his head, with fingers again near his face, and I think the circle at the bottom is a knee.

 Some of his crazy movements and complete position changes (at one point he even spun around completely while she was trying to get a picture.) I'm kind of in awe of the little leg/thigh, this is one of the best shots of an entire baby leg that I've seen. And he's busy with his arms and hands though they didn't come out very clear

And here's a shot of him looking up, facing us, with his arm and hand reaching above his head and waving. (Even when it's my baby, I think baby face ultrasounds like this on 2D ultrasounds are kind of creepy so I don't usually bother to even scan them, but since he's waving this will be one of the few.)



Monday, I see the high risk doctor and we go back for another growth check ultrasound in 4 weeks.

Rainbow, 8.5 weeks ultrasound, first doctor visit

Today was my first "regular doctor" (ie. OB/GYN) visit. After a week of lovenox, I was anxious to see how things were going. My doctor made the comment, "If we could just get you to 28 weeks, that would be fantastic!" (Maybe I'm being overly optimistic, but I'm kind of hoping to make it 30ish weeks. I don't really think either doctor seriously expects me to make it 36/37 weeks, but to make it in the 30's is sort of my goal. Well, my first goal is to make it out of the first trimester. Then to 24 weeks. Then to 26 weeks. etc. etc.)   She was also really relieved that there was only one baby.

The nurse seriously made me go through my entire medical history and pregnancy with Olivia, all over again, even though I'm using the same doctor so they have more of the details in my records than I know. She at least seemed to sort of realize that Olivia had died, although she "had to ask", she at least didn't smile brightly and say, "Oh you have a one year old!" or something along the lines. And she almost whispered as if saying it softly made it more gentle, "Sorry but I have to ask, did your baby die?" I'm pretty comfortable these days, telling even strangers if they ask how many kids we have, that our daughter died. (Not really the answer they usually expect but that's not my problem, I'm not going to act like she never existed.) So, it's not talking about it that bothers me, although I might get a little teary eyed sometimes, I usually don't anymore. It just seems a little redundant to have to re-hash it over and over again with people that have all of the information in my chart anyway.

I got to skip the bloodwork because I had it done with the MFM the week before, although that really annoyed the nurse and they even called me an hour after my appointment to scold me for not getting it done, when my OB had told me not to do the bloodwork that they'd just get it from the MFM.

The baby is looking gradually more baby and less embryo. The best news is that EVERYTHING MEASURED ON TRACK! (Coincidence or is that lovenox already working?) The baby's heart rate was 176.

Here are the pictures: