Wednesday, January 26, 2011


Well, this day has so far gone better than it did on my last day pregnant with Olivia. I was admitted to the hospital about 3 am, though they didn't actually figure out what was wrong until about 3 pm, and then she was born at 8:47 pm. Talk about a chaotic day.

It's 10:00 am and I'm at home and not in pain and feeling normal and normal blood pressure. (But the dizziness doesn't set in until 2 or 3 pm anyway.) It would be nice if Lucas would pick today as an "active" day. (Well, that worked. It seems like every time I wish for him to be more active or comment he's being quiet, he starts moving around a lot. Good job little boy!)

I'm not sure if I had a moment of insanity or a moment of good thinking when I scheduled my high risk appointment for today (they gave me a choice between Monday and Wednesday, so I pretty much did this on purpose), because my high risk doctor's office is in the same hospital where Olivia was born. But I didn't get transferred over to this hospital in the ambulance until about 5 or 6 pm (the timeline gets a bit fuzzy). And then! I'm volunteering with the support group leader because she sends little presents to all of the newly bereaved parents for all of the holidays for the first year, so we're helping her get Valentine's day stuff sent out. I told her about my doctor's appointment and asked if she needed help with anything after, because it doesn't really make sense for me to drive all of the way home (30-45 min.) and then back again a couple of hours later if there's something I can help her with anyway. She said definitely, so basically I'll be at the hospital all afternoon and probably most of the evening. Since I can't say my goal is to avoid the hospital today, I at least would like to avoid getting admitted.

Can you believe I've made it to 23+2 weeks and still haven't packed my hospital bag? I had meant to pack it around 20 weeks, and I do have toiletries and comfy pants in the bag, but that's all. I guess I've decided to fill it up slowly, lest I jinx myself by getting everything I want in there and then get admitted the next day. I guess I feel like that about ordering the crib, too, because I had just ordered it 2 or 3 weeks before I got sick, luckily it was backordered so it hadn't even come in yet, and I was able to cancel the order on the phone and get a refund. (They don't normally do that and first tried to tell me I have to go in the store so they had my credit card number. I started crying and said, "I can't come in to the store. Our baby died." This was a guy and he said, "Oh god. I'm so sorry. We'll take care of it on the phone." Poor guy. I think they probably wanted me to come in the store and have a breakdown about as much as I wanted to go in.) So anyway, I know that ordering the crib had nothing to do with it and most people order and set up cribs and things go fine. But it's just another thing I associate in my head..."we did this...and then this happened" even if they aren't related at all and was actually 2 or 3 weeks apart. I stumbled across someone online who was talking about ordering a crib when they were 10 weeks pregnant. I was kind of dumbfounded and in awe of that, with a little bit of, "wow, they must not have any idea of all the things that could still go wrong" mixed in, and not to mention jealous of their innocence. Even with Olivia, we waited until about 20 weeks. So anyway, I'm just going to have to bite that bullet, because deep down I realize that ordering a crib has nothing to do with what happened and ordering it is not going to make everything go wrong, they'll go right or wrong whether we order a crib or not, and it's probably going to take 6+ weeks for the crib to actually come in. (We decided to order the same crib so at least we get to skip all of the research and decision making. And I like the fact that Lucas will have the same crib that his sister would have had.)

So anyway, I think today will be a good one. I'm looking forward to seeing some friends I haven't seen in awhile with the support group, plus just having a distraction will be good. I'm pretty confident that I can get through today without getting admitted. And then tomorrow we will be in brand new territory.


rebecca said...

Hope the appointment went well today & you have a good time at support group. I can SO relate to this post about the crib! We ordered our glider about a week before Lily died and Nick literally put it together in the nursery the day before...ugh! I also am annoyed by people who are so innocent and naive in their confidence that everything will be fine with their pregnancies even when they're in the beginning stages, it's really so unfair how much we've lost when our babies died.

Brooke said...

So glad this day is uneventful for you. And now I'll be wondering about this Valentine package... Sending prayers your way.

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